At every school athletics carnival, no one’s prepared for the hurdles event.
There’s a particular type of person who ends up running it, of course. It’s the poor kid who didn’t put his hand up for anything else. He probably has glasses, and white Asics sneakers his parents bought him when he tried tennis lessons that one time.
He takes his place on the line. The starter’s gun goes off. And he begins to run.
This is where our paths meet, the amateur hurdler and I.
Because my week at Byron Bay Schoolies, riddled with low quality tequila and poorly-made decisions, looked a lot like this…
As far as my personality goes, I’m an introvert. A deep-seated, anxiety ridden introvert.
I tackle social events in 30 minute segments, interspersed with lengthy periods spent alone in the bathroom, planning my escape from said event and ordering UberEATS for when I arrive home.
My apprehension going into Schoolies was high. Seven days of intensive, human interaction with the maniacal bunch of extroverts I’m foolish enough to call my companions. Eating together. Sleeping together. Doing that thing where you drink, divulge dark secrets, and then it’s awkward the next day together.
An introvert’s worst nightmare.
And so it began.
10.40 – Arrive rental house. Six boys. Spirits high.
10.41 – Three bedrooms. One bathroom. Four boys who have girlfriends take the two double bedrooms. Noble. Relegates other single bloke and myself to ‘Bachelor den’, named as such because of the side-by-side single beds which are the perfect size for anyone with no legs.
11.23 – Gather in kitchen. Floor tiles perpetually damp. Regret picking house described as ‘beachy’.
13.45 – Woolies. Plan meals for week. Find industrial-sized wheel of cheese. Also, prawns. Walk along street wheeling trolley back to house. Someone farts. Tiring of human interaction.
15.53 – Liquor store. Vodka, tequila, white rum, CRUISERS, goon, beer, tequila. Goon. Cruisers. $804.53. Alcohol purchased for week.
16.12 – Return home. Floor still sticky.
You know when you spill oil on a hard floor and wipe it up but instead of being clean it stays a little bit gross forever? That. Except everywhere. All the time.
19.05 – Dinner. Discuss fact we’re loose cannons who love to party and pash chicks and no sentiment has ever resonated with me less. Consume many prawns to hide fact I am odd one out.