The cynic in me hates adult dress-up parties. But the party girl me me loves them. It doesn’t take much for me to raid Vinnies for a satirical outfit, throw on a wig add some crazy shoes and get into character.
But I have my standards in looking stupid. So now I don’t know whether to boycott or battle through the biggest annual event of my entire suburb.
Here’s the problem.
The school fundraiser is always fabulous. Organised by a group of tireless, fabulous volunteers, it’s a huge party for a good cause. We dress up, get down on the dance floor, drink too much cheap champagne and wake up in the morning moaning that we’ve spent hundreds of dollars on a group art work involving badly drawn pirates, stick figure mermaids and handprint fish.
After paying for the babysitter, the auction items and finger food that barely touches the sides, it’s an expensive night, but we feel all high and community-minded, and after getting a good laugh dancing around handbags with other mums and dads we usually just see in suits or beside the netball court.
Over the years, we’ve worn paper masks covered in glitter, bad 80s fishnet stockings and thin ties, hippy freak flares and afro wigs. We have no shame.
But this year the theme is ‘Sportstars and Wags’
I can see the fun for the blokes to go out on a Saturday night still dressed in their cricket or footy ware. But WAGS. Are they kidding?
I'm not complaining because most mothers couldn't possibly find spanx underwear good enough to let us get away with the clothes WAGS almost wear. The plunging necklines, the split to the crutch legs are definitely a problem. But not the problem.
The problem is, well, where do I start?
Feminism 101, ladies.
WAGS (for those lucky enough not to know) are Wives And Girlfriends. They are groomed, gorgeous and show a lot of skin. They are famous for being accessories to men who play sport. They often make a living from this profession. Some, like Victoria Beckham, have built a life around it (and yes, we know her label is a success in it's own right).