There are many people with schizophrenia who accomplish amazing things and who would be considered incredibly high achievers with or without the illness. My sister isn’t one of them. Like many people with schizophrenia she plateaued out and has lived slightly outside the mainstream every since, never accomplishing the stratospheric heights expected of her when she was accepted into the conservatorium of music at only 16.
My sister has been largely asymptomatic of psychotic symptoms for many years, thanks to a combination of a stable relationship with her boyfriend (who also has schizophrenia), good enough housing, clozapine, and a fragile network of four siblings, who are at least intimate enough to care for and occasionally annoy each other. She no longer inhabits that paranoid, bizarre and impenetrable world of her early twenties, when she had 6 involuntary psychiatric admissions, each an awful, bewildering chapter, for her (and for us), but even at her best, there remains a residue of those times and that behavior.
She will often stop mid-step in an agonised dilemma as to whether, or how, to proceed with the next step on the pavement towards a shared destination. I know there is some other context going on for her that I am not privy to, but sometimes, when we need to make the post office before it shuts, I know it’s terrible of me to say so, but it really is just VERY ANNOYING.
Or there’s the phone thing.. she will never, ever, put the receiver down first at the conclusion of a conversation; and once I realised this, and because I too can be a little annoying, we both stay connected, often for VERY LONG TIMES.
And of course, a lot of what I term ‘annoying behaviour’ is actually just the behaviour of any person trying to finance a pokie, nicotine and alcohol regime on a disability support pension, more out of utter boredom than actual addiction. She is a completely lovable and shrewd operator, a consummate survivor. It’s the behaviour of someone who essentially lost the confidence to believe she could manage in a more mainstream world, and actually seems pretty content in the world she now lives. She still always manages to buy a new skirt. She and her partner cook a roast every Sunday. They grow tomatoes. They have friends. They get a special deal at the video shop. It is a small world, but it is their world, and they manage.
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I have tears....someone gets it....this is my son...xxx
My name is Matt, I was born with ADD and Asperger's, and a powerful imagination. This led me to having memories going back to around when I was 2, to the point that I can recall a dream from that age. I developed quirks such as many imaginary friends to the point that it took me a few minutes to say goodbye to them all before i went to bed. (Odd how if you're having imaginary friends as a child that's considered ordinary, yet to have them as an adult is very unordinary). This quirk along with my poor level of attention and inability to socialise, led to me being bullied throughout primary school and high school. Because of this bullying I became depressed, suicidal, anxious and eventually suffered from paranoid psychosis which I at first attributed to the Dexamphetamines I was on for my ADD, also known as amphetamine-based psychosis. Eventually I went off the ADD medication, and even tried sleep medication to calm my mind down. This led to hallucinations and feeling so weak I had to pull myself up the stairs to get to my bedroom. My bullying however continued, eventually leading to PTSD or Post Traumatic STress Disorder, to the point that I was having mental breakdowns whenever I came into the prescence of some bullying figure in life. This later led to complete psychosis after University, leading to my diagnosis of Schizophrenia and my hospitalisation. What basically happened was I would hallucinate that imaginary people, people on posters, words on DVDs, and even the news was focused on me, and I would believe I was being watched and judged, and that I was basically doing wrong, even if I was wrong only about being wrong. I would want to run away and hide away from people because of these voices, to the point I thought I would be hospitalised permanently or would commit suicide because of the attacks. After a few weeks in hospital, I eventually have come across a good medication regime that keeps the attacks at bay, although sometimes they can still slip through, maybe once a few months. I am however having difficulty finding work due to my disability, and with these new government changes regarding the Disability Support Pension, I worry that I won't be able to pay for my medication and that I'll forever be living with my parents, without a girlfriend, without a job, without the ability to pay for petrol to drive to friends places, or even pay my car registration for that matter. I'm sorry that this has been a whole "me-me-me-me-me" rant here, but I guess what I want to say is having lived through all of this, what I want to do is help other people get through their own cases with disabilities such as schizophrenia. Pardon if I've been rambling on too much or have been annoying in other ways. Just thought I'd share my experience being a fellow person living with Schizophrenia.