By MAMAMIA TEAM
The internet forum Reddit is not known for its thoughtful and considerate commenters.
But last week, something fairly remarkable happened.
A woman whose screen name is ‘brokedowngirl’ posted a story on the site, in which she explained how she had recently been naked in front of her long-distance partner for the first time, through Skype. Afterwards, she “broke down crying”.
But not because her partner was cruel, after seeing her naked. He did not judge her, as so many others had before. Brokefowngirl started crying because he was so supportive. Because he told her she was “a sight to behold”.
Brokedowngirl’s post on Reddit explains why this experience was such a big deal for her: she talks about having low-self esteem, being unhappy with her weight, emotional abuse from previous partners, and post-natal depression.
She reveals it all – everything going on inside of her.
We’ve been in a LDR for a couple years and I’ve always made sure to keep myself covered, specifically my belly and upper thighs, even it was just with a satin nighty that just barely covered things. I was absolutely dead terrified of him seeing that part of me, it is scarred from abuse, there are stretch marks from pregnancy and I hate the sag that has come since I have started losing weight (40lbs down 65 to go). He has always made me feel like the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth, but I always felt that if he saw that part of me that he would look at me with disgust and that would be the end of it.
Today on camera, he saw me from head to toe naked, I was literally shaking like a leaf in a hurricane. He didn’t get a look of disgust, he didn’t recoil, he told me I was beautiful, “a true sight to behold”, he showered me with such love and patience and I freaking lost it. I sat down and sobbed, I shook, I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life, but not because I was sad. It was a weird combination of several emotions, fear, shame, relief, love, acceptance and some I cannot put words to, and he listened to me, reassured me, and just continued to remind me that he loves me and finds me beautiful.
I have had past partners comment that I would have such a pretty pussy if it hadn’t been so beat up, saying I looked like a used up hooker (I was pretty badly sexually abused as a child), and yeah, I know they were immature assholes that based their opinions on all the porn they watched but that shit hurt and it sticks with you and I’m sure there are women here who understand how easy it is to be insecure in the look of your genitals. And God knows pregnancy does not do good things to the belly, and a nasty postpartum depression thanks to an abusive ex and I gained a lot more weight than I care to think about and all of it lead to me feeling like the most hideous monster on the face of the earth whenever I was undressed.
I’m still scared, I’ve barely managed to stop crying, but I love my SO, he’s been so supportive. Part of me is terrified that he was just being nice and really finds me to be ugly, but I know that is my insecurity talking and projecting and that he really does love me.
To all the ladies (and men) out there, that are afraid and feel ugly, please know that you are beautiful, to someone you are beautiful. To all those who are confident in your body, regardless of size, scars, stretch marks, whatever, especially those that don’t fit into the conventional ideals of what is beautiful…I commend you and am more than a little jealous, but please don’t stop, because you’re courage and confidence helps others find their own beauty.
Okay…I’m off to go cry some more and try to find a way to show my SO just how much I love and appreciate him.