We open on the Girl Prisoners just casually hanging out in the kitchen being totally casual, like they absolutely didn’t shoot this scene eleven times. Oshie arrives and informs the ladies that Dickie Bach wants them all to know that he “is really enjoying getting to know them so far.”
And I have to say that at this point, I’m not surprised that Oshie is now just outright speaking for our Muscles With A Head. I feel like the only talking Dickie Bach has done so far is to compliment his dates on looking stunning and inform us that “girls like shopping.” If he doesn’t start saying complete sentences soon, Oshie is gonna have to start actually going on these dates to fill in the blanks. And then I would obviously die a thousand deaths of television viewing pleasure.
Oshie’s Hair leaves two Date Cards on the table (GASP! OMG! TWO?!? THERE’S TWO! LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS FOR AS LONG AS WE CAN SO THE EDITORS CAN FILL TIME!), and as usual, nobody has anything interesting to say except Super Villain Keira de Vil, and she drops this glorious, humble grenade almost immediately:
"I just think if I was Richie I would be taking me on a date right now because if doesn’t he’s gonna miss the boat so… He better hurry up.”
I would buy that girl’s confidence in a bottle. Then I’d drink it and hope that it stopped me from caring that one of my boobs hangs way lower than the other, and ends up wedged under my arm while I sleep. I feel like Keira would just be like, “Other girls WISH they had my uneven boobs. Now are you going to tell me that I’m beautiful or do I need to find someone more interesting to talk to?”
Yes. That is how I need to live my life.
GROUP DATE TIME!
Top Comments
Oh dear, this is such a case of Blond, Blonder and Blondest. I can already see that the final 5 will be Nicky, Alex, Megan, Faith and Olena. Ritchie, what a let down!!!
Rosie you are genius. This is one of your funniest recaps yet. The Queen flipping the double bird - best pic eva. "Vagina crying actual fucking tears"....genius...
I had to get up and walk away from the computer at that stage to let that sink in and wanted to make my reading of the recap last as long as possible. Kiera last night was too funny to watch. Her face in that kangaroo suit was priceless - you have captured it beautifully. Keep it up and dont even think about not doing the recaps next season. I will not stand for it! Your recaps are the only reason I watch the show - Queen Sully needs to know that and get you on the Channel 10 payroll STAT