User Comments

jenhawk1094 June 2, 2021

I understand the idea of gender disappointment, to a certain degree. I got pregnant quickly after my second was born, then miscarried, and ultimately we decided to try again - there are five years (+ a week) between 2 and 3. My husband wanted to know the sex because he didn't want to be disappointed, hoping for a daughter. With three boys, I couldn't be happier, and looking back we both agree I wasn't meant to have girls. I believe these things are already decided for us.   As for the FIFO comment, anyone who has ever been in a FIFO relationship (especially last year) would know it's the stupidest comment you can make to someone. We've done FIFO for years now and it's only marginally better with older kids - they still need parenting and can be more difficult as teenagers.
Oh, and I love my boys to bits, I can only say we've done something right, as with one young adult and two twenty-somethings, they still talk to us.

jenhawk1094 May 13, 2021

gotta love this. I'm finally on trend! ha. I prefer the term 'bed head' as a good friend puts it, and I totally own it.

jenhawk1094 March 21, 2021

I had an emotional affair several years. Our marriage is better than ever. I feel worthy. Loved. 'complete'.

My husband, also, feels these things.
It was dammed hard during that time for both of us, in hindsight, I can see my behaviour was one of both guilt at doing the wrong thing and excitement at the hold this stranger had over me. I was all over the place, and my husband was in despair watching me fall in love with another man. All online. While he went to all the lengths to prove his love and what we had, I kept pushing him away.
For me too, it was a relief when it all came out. We spent several years - no therapy - and worked it out. We are better than ever. We got to the bottom of all the things that added up over the years, leading to this moment. There were things that both of us had a hand in. Actions and comments that we both did and didn't do. Having the tools but not knowing how to use them. Knowing what you want but no tool to show you how. For the most part we've figured out, very few people have an affair because they are a dick. There is always underlying issues that need to be addressed. If they aren't then these behaviours will keep happening - to both people. You have to really dig deep and expose your soul, raw and uncovered, to either know the signs of it happening or to steer clear of the triggers.

I also agree with Maya, if he still makes you feel worthless and insecure, then all is not rosy. Or are you consumed by some guilt you're unaware of, the feeling of worthlessness that you had while he was with someone else....?