To be respectfully frank Clare, you've just described family members who have ADD/ADHD. Could be worth checking out if you feel you would gain from this knowledge? Regardless, a book they praise is 'Smart but scattered'. Taught them how to use their brain's executive skills, keep up and be organised at work and home. All the best
I feel for you, too. We're in the same country as our families and our last visit was April '19 and tbh it feels as if they/we too are overseas. Since then my tween has become a man-sized teen and his older ASD brother attempted to take his own life earlier this year. Negotiating borders with authorities for family help was too much. Thank goodness for support workers! May you enjoy your Dad's day tomorrow and enjoy a virtual squeeze until the real one can happen...and it will happen!