I can relate to this 100%. I had only just turned 18 when I had my first child, unplanned and completely unprepared. My partner was  helpful when he was home but at the end of the day it was I who did all the nappy changing, feeding and teaching. I got my self a little job, bringing me so much relief as I could spend one day a week not being "just mum". I really resented my partner. As they years went on it got easier and I took on another job, which I love. Having a career does amazing things for you and feeling important was something I craved. 11 years on we decided to have another and pretty much as soon as I fell pregnant a huge wave of anxiety hit me. I fell deep into depression knowing that no matter how much my husband said he would help...he wouldn't. I hadn't any close family, and knew I would spend my maternity leave alone. It was long and hard. Seeing other people posting pictures of their children...everyone smiling. I would wake up, take my daughter to school and cry until she came home. I couldn't wait to get back into work and I felt so guilty because of this. I eventually went back when he was 9 months. I was so pleased to and I really enjoyed my time with him after work. I felt like I was getting better..mending..until this pandemic happened and now, I'm home. Again ..trying desperately to pull myself out of the mess that I have become. I have tried to reach out to my partner but he doesn't really do talking... I love my children but most of the time I do not enjoy being a mother. It really is the most hardest, underpaid and under appreciated job there is. The idea that this all just comes naturally to women is ridiculous, we have to do it. This is why we do it. I'm hoping that soon once we have some new type of normal...I can begin to mend again and find myself once more.