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Wendy Figueroa December 23, 2017

I too am a secret child, my mother refused to acknowledge that I should have a relationship with my father and always got angry if I asked about him and told me he was an awful man, that I wouldn’t want to know him. When I was in my early twenties I found out from my grandmother his name and looked him up. He was shocked to hear from me but agreed to meet, which we did a few times, always at a different location, well away from his work or home so we wouldn’t be seen. It felt like he was sneaking around with me. I asked him to tell his family or to not contact me. He didn’t contact me. I rang him a few times over the years and he seemed happy to hear from me but would tell me that I shouldn’t call him. He passed away last year, I only found out by stalking his sons Facebook page. I reached out via a private message to my half brother stating I didn’t want to cause trouble but wanted to let him know he has a half sister. I haven’t heard anything from him. It hurts to know I have relatives out there that I don’t know and that I have missed out on a relationship with my father and half brother. My mother always made me feel like I was a mistake in her life. As much as parents feel they are doing the right thing by keeping these things secret, I don’t think they realise the damage they are doing to their children. All we can do as victims of these secrets is try to be as loving and upfront with our own children, learning from the emotional hurt we ourselves have experienced. Thank you for sharing your story, it helps knowing there are others out there with similar experiences.

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