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aoifejulia July 1, 2021

I’m an Aussie living in Ireland and we’ve done 261 days of hard lockdown since March 2020. Our most recent hard lockdown lasted for our over 4 months and we began easing into that lockdown the day before Christmas Eve. My husband and I are in our early 30s, still not vaccinated, and my husband has been furloughed for over 15 months without any official announcement on when his industry can reopen so we are on a single income

At the start of our second lockdown in October 2020 (restricted to within 5km of our home), my quads started atrophying despite daily exercise and I’ve had to see a physio due to being unable to walk without pain. 
Even if it looks like people in Europe are starting to holiday or resume our lives, it’s simply not the case. We still have serious restrictions, we wear masks inside any building, and our indoor dining/bars reopening was just pushed back again. We 
can officially travel internationally again in mid-July but clarity around insurance on flights is very unclear and government advice is still to summer locally.
Please believe me that just because it looks like the northern hemisphere (or at least Europe) is opening up that it’s getting easier. For every day of hope, like a potential date where we can just register to then attempt to get a vaccine appointment, there is never ending uncertainty, rising case numbers, the reality of variants and the flux state around mutations, working from home in your bedroom for months on end, and knowing you can neither afford to visit nor move back to family.
Every single lockdown has been harder than the last and the palpable uncertainty is an incrementally compounding source of a cloudy state of despair with brief glimmers of weak sunlight breaking through.
I just keep reminding myself that even if it looks good or better or preferable from the outside that it’s never that simple. And then I remind myself of a truthful saying, “It’s not the end, it’s an uncomfortable pause.”
I still don’t feel like I’ve got this and please know there is togetherness in what we’re mired in.