I too live with this, my only daughter and I have been estranged for 13 years. Finally I am at peace with it but often fantasize about what could have been. Years of therapy to deal with the guilt, lying often to others and always putting on a brave face. Now I just tell it like it is when necessary. The saddest part is my 2 grandsons are not in my life . Fortunately I have a brother who shares his grandkids with me.