Dear Tarrin, no matter what happeneds this relationship will never ever be the same. So if you are still going to move forward with it, make peace with that. You didn't mention if you have kids with him but if you don't, exercise your self-love and get out of that mess before that happens because you & I both know that you deserve so much better. You mental, spiritual and emotional health is in serious decline. Forgive him and yourself, but move on and heal. Happiness will find you.