Oh I so know your pain but for me it is my only son & my two beautiful grandchildren. It has been 11yrs since I have seen them & my heart aches for them everyday, sometimes the pain can be overwhelming but you have to keep going. If it wasn’t for my wonderful daughter, son-in-law & my other three grandkids I don’t think I would have made it. You are so right for such a long time I blamed myself the old “I must be a bad mum” I failed him somehow. Until my daughter points out herself & her family & tells me I raised both of them the same. I have a friend who lost her son in a car accident who once said to me that my grief was harder than hers as people understood her loss where mine they don’t & that having my child there but out of reach must be so painful. I am living my life but there will always be a piece of me missing. Sue