"The moment I realised my long-term relationship was crashing."

Image: iStock.

There are few things better than the rose-tinted head-over-heels stage of a new relationship. Intoxicated with a new love, all you want to do is spend time with them. And when you’re not spending all of your days with them, you’re texting and chatting constantly.

Three years into my relationship with Steve (and well into the ‘realities’ of living and being together), I’m still in love, I have no doubt about that, but the way my partner treats me now is different. His behaviour started changing ever so slowly I didn’t notice at first, but now the truth is glaring.

I’m invisible. It certainly feels that way.

Gone are the “I love you” or “I’m thinking of you” texts throughout the day (or anything really, other than “What’s for dinner?”), date nights are completely non-existent and I could leave the house in an astronaut suit and it wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, he pays that little attention to my appearance. (Post continues after gallery.)

Two weeks ago, I came to the realisation that our relationship was completely changed.

After heading out to do a spot of makeup shopping, I’d been talked into a deal to get a range of products and a professionally applied “makeup look”. On a whim I took it up and I loved the results. I loved the way I looked. Glamorous, is how I felt.

Excited about showing Steve the makeup, I returned home with a bottle of wine and plans for takeaway.

“Oh, hi!” I said as I walked in, waiting for him to look up from the TV.

“Hi,” he replied without even looking at me. Monotone.

“So I thought we could have a nice night in together,” I said, still trying.

“I’ll stick to beer,” he said, glancing at the wine bottle in my hand. Still, he hadn’t looked up at me. At my face. I hadn’t seen him all day, I thought he’d be pleased to see me, or at the very least notice what’d I’d had done. But nothing.

The one-sided conversation continued on until finally I asked him what he thought of my look.

“Oh, yeah, right. Did it cost a lot?” was the delightful response I received. He had literally looked at me for one moment.

It was official, I was invisible.

Steve has never been a particularly openly affectionate or romantic person, but knowing that I was, he at least he used to make the effort. Now I feel like I’m just part of the furniture and completely taken for granted.

When I bring it up, he says he shows me love in other ways like fixing leaky toilets and taking in our car when it’s due for a service.

I’m entirely appreciative of all that, but is it really too hard for him to throw a compliment, a spontaneous kiss or a shred of attention my way? It often feels more like a friendship than a relationship. We’re mechanical together. Going through a routine.

Outside of home, it’s exactly the same. Most of my friends are also friends of Steve’s, so most can’t imagine us separately as individuals. I would never stray, but that feeling of invisibility has only stirred up a desire for affection or even just attention from men. (Post continues after gallery.)

I tell myself that having a man doesn’t equal happiness, but I’m pretty sure having someone who openly cares and pays attention to you certainly contributes.

It’s got the point now where I’m craving affection so much that it wouldn’t take much for someone else to sweep me off my feet.

If Steve ever does say something nice (after I recover from shock) it’s usually because he wants something. I know that real relationships aren’t full of romantic declarations and steamy sex as rom-coms would have us believe but it certainly isn’t the happy ending I always envisioned.

The affection has become far too one-sided and I’m not sure how much longer I can stand it.

What would you do in this situation?