By BENISON O’REILLY
Last Thursday night I sat at my computer in a grumpy mood, feeling overworked and underpaid. Into my Inbox pinged an email which literally took my breath away. At once my petty problems took on the perspective they deserved.
The email, part of which is reprinted here, is from a man we’ll call John. All names have been changed.
In February this year my only daughter Sarah died from SIDS at 4.5 weeks of age, and 22 days later my wife Cathy left in the middle the night and took her own life. Cathy had not coped well with Sarah’s death; however we were receiving counselling from SIDS and Kids and Cathy had also been seeing her GP weekly, our obstetrician, and she was also seeing a hypnotherapist to help her cope with the feelings of guilt that she was having. Cathy had put Sarah down to sleep when she died and had tried to revive her before the ambulance arrived and blamed herself for Sarah’s death.
At her most recent GP visit, Cathy had been prescribed a mild antidepressant and had been taking sleeping tablets (with limited success) immediately after Sarah’s death. The day before her death, Cathy saw the hypnotherapist and that evening just wanted to be cuddled while lying on the lounge. She told me how much she loved me a couple of times but I didn’t think it was anything unusual because we always told each other how much we loved the other. We both went to bed, but when I woke in the morning she had gone and left a series of letters behind. I immediately called the police; however, she had already suicided before I had woken up. Before she died she had sent me a text message saying how much she loved me, but I didn’t wake up.
Postnatal depression (PND) was not part of my world until I was asked to co-write a book, Beyond the Baby Blues, about it a couple of years ago. It wasn’t part of my GP husband’s world either, until a young mother who attended his medical practice took her own life one day. Now the practice screens every new and expectant mother (depression can occur during pregnancy as well) who crosses its threshold.
John was seeking answers from me, but the help I could offer seemed woefully inadequate. I have referred him to my friends at The Gidget Foundation; an organisation named in honour of another young mother who one day found it all too hard.
Tragically, suicide is now one of the leading causes of postnatal maternal death in the developed world.
To tease out what causes PND — and anxiety, because the two frequently go hand in hand — is difficult and varies from individual to individual.