sex

How new dads really feel about their partners after they give birth.

A mum has taken to Reddit to ask men to explain how they felt about their partner after she had a baby.

User Runfreeprettyhorses asked; “to all the dads, how has your desire for your partner changed since she had a baby?”

She specifically stated she wasn’t talking about love, or about whether they were having less sex. She wanted to know how they saw their partner from a purely lustful standpoint since she gave birth.

Do dad's have less desire for their wives after having kids?

"Is it because her body has changed (a little or a lot) or because you saw things prenatal, during delivery and postpartum that you can't unsee? I feel my husband just doesn't want me the way he used to, maybe even doesn't love me the way he used to," she wrote.

"Sex isn't that much less frequent but it was never very often to begin with. He seems frustrated all the time. I am starting to feel really self conscious, that I am not as attractive as I used to be. Am I right? Are women less desirable after the baby is born?" she continued.

"Are women less desirable after a baby is born?"

The dad's answered honestly. The responses weren't black-and-white; but some men admitted they do lose desire for their partner after she gives birth. Other men say the desire for their partner is stronger after they have a baby.

We've been married 10 years and have a 21-month-old and a 12-week-old. We both work 40+ hours a week and I'm in grad school full time. Time, what is time?

I want her (mentally, emotionally, physically) now more than I ever did before the babies. My ultra high libido is in hyper-drive.

The kids added an element to us we didn't even know was missing. The completeness is hard to explain. My heart, mind, body, and soul belong to my wife, the woman who made me a father.

Other responses were not so positive.

Since the birth of our children I've seen my wife change into a woman I did not know before. She prioritises her children over anything to an unhealthy degree. As a result the following things have suffered; her body, our relationship, her career.

The cries of one of our children turn an otherwise smart, strong woman into an irrational irritable monster. Often this behavior would cause me to either start a direct conflict or withdraw from the situation (to avoid conflict). She has actively worked on this (with professional help) and is much better but the extremely long period I've had to deal with this attitude has caused me to resent her at best and hate her at worst.

There were answers that sat in the middle; admitting to some hurdles, but saying they could definitely be overcome.

I admit, parts of her body went a little funhouse mirror. But when it comes down to it, if I'm not too tired from the baby, she makes me just as lusty as ever. As others have said, I don't think you can isolate factors in something like this. Let him catch up on sleep and see what happens.

Women answered the question too.

My husband's attraction to me on a purely physical level lowered after children. He admitted it to me because we do that silly, being honest with your partner thing. I say silly because I honestly wish he had never told me this.

We still have sex on a decently frequent and consistent basis, but just less than before and with less initiating from his side. That's not to say the attraction has dropped to zero, it's just less. In all other aspects of our relationship, we're good. We laugh and cuddle and love each other's company. We are kickass co-parents together. Having children together has bonded us in amazing ways. We LOVE our little family and we love each other... And yet despite all the good things my heart just about broke to know that my husband now finds me less attractive, post pregnancy and childbirth. It sucks to know this truth and I wish I didn't and I wish I had never asked.

How did your relationship change after you had a baby?