By MIA FREEDMAN
“I’m going to say this very calmly and very quietly – but if people don’t stop trying to make everything sexy, I will burn this planet. I will watch it burn to fine black ash, so help me God.” *
These words aren’t mine. I wish they were.
They belong to Caitlin Moran. But the sentiment? SNAP, Caitlin, SNAP.
When she wrote those sentences, Caitlin was talking about the way animated heroine Merida from the kids movie Brave had been given a sexy make-over. I am going to co-opt her indignant threat and apply it to this ridiculous picture that Kim Kardashian posted on Instagram yesterday:
In under an hour, the image received more than 145,000 likes from Kim’s 10.4 million followers – and guaranteed exposure to tens of millions more people who will see it after it’s picked up by websites, magazines, newspapers and TV shows around the world.
Here’s another image that Kim recently shared with those same people:
After I locate a neckbrace to treat the whiplash those two photos have given me, I have something to ask Kim: What the actual fuck? Are you a mother or a porn star? Why did you need to do this? Why does the world need to see up your bum and inside your top? Why not just cut to the chase and post a link to the sex tape (you know, the one you claim to be mortified about while disingenuously ignoring its role in your fame)? Are you really that desperate to reclaim your hotness that you’re happy to discard your dignity and that of your daughter?
Because there’s nothing tasteful about this photo, this pose. Nothing meaningful or clever or stylish or interesting. The only reason to publish it is to scream: LOOK WORLD! I MAY HAVE HAD A BABY JUST A FEW SHORT MONTHS AGO BUT I AM STILL HOT SEE HOW HOT I AM YES SMOKING HOT AND SEXY AND JUST SO HOT AND ARE YOU LOOKING BECAUSE HOT AND LOOK AT ME.
Well done. Because you’ve just confirmed my worst fears about the machine that is celebrity and the way Hollywood values women for only one thing: how sexy they look and how enthusiastically they can objectify themselves.
This photo is desperate. This photo is sad. This photo is inappropriate and no I don’t care if the word inappropriate makes me sound like a complete nana. It’s true.