You lose your right to be a drug addict when you have kids

It’s tragic that the world lost a great talent when Philip Seymour Hoffman died this week. But this writer controversially believes it’s more infuriating that a man’s risk-taking behaviour has robbed three small children of their father

Someone I know wrote this on Facebook yesterday:

No, I’m not sad Philip Seymour Hoffman is dead. I’m angry. And pissed off that his three kids, 10 and under, don’t have their dad, because he was too selfish not to stop taking heroin.

Whoah. While I think that’s pretty extreme, I think that person has a point. I had the same reaction when I heard about Heath Leger overdosing six years ago – leaving behind his little girl Matilda who was then aged 3.

Admittedly, I have never been addicted to heroin. But I think when you have kids, there are certain choices you make. One of those is to give up anything that could needlessly take you away from your children - permanently. You may love BASE jumping or mountain climbing. You may love taking A-class drugs. You may think it's fine to drink drive.

But when you become a parent, that risky behaviour becomes not just about you. Every parent owes it to their children to do whatever they can to stay alive so they can parent them - particularly when they're young. The impact on a child of tragically losing a parent is immeasurable. So if you continue to do risky things - like heroin - you're being selfish because you're putting your own needs and wants ahead of your child. I feel the same way about people who smoke during pregnancy or when their children are in the car.

Parenting, at its heart, is about impulse control and self-sacrifice. You are no longer the centre of your universe. At least you shouldn't be. When your children are small and at their most vulnerable, you have to sort out the things that pose a danger to you because that's a direct danger to your kids. You must put them first, even when it's impossibly hard.

So is it sad that Philip Seymour Hoffman died? Oh yes, incredibly sad. But it's also a waste of a life, a life he should have been able to save by seeking the help and support he could afford and which was so readily available to someone who is rich and famous.

The world has lost a great actor. But there are lots of actors. Three children aged 10, 5 and 3 have forever lost their father and they only had one of him.

Should parents give up all risk-taking behaviour?