parents

"A note in my son's bag sent me over the edge."

Do you really need to attend ever single event the school asks you to?

The pressure to be THAT MUM only gets worse.

Another school assembly, another sports carnival, another performance. Literacy groups, morning teas, tuckshop duty, craft afternoons.

Fundraisers. P & C. Dress-up days. Swimming carnivals. Cross-country. And then yet-another assembly.

Once your child reaches school age it seems the demands on your time are endless.

Parent helper becomes your new job title after chef, personal stylist, therapist, beautician, chauffer, nurse, maid, sports coach and the-one-who-remembers-the-Wi-Fi-password.

My guilt reached tipping point the other day when yet another note came home asking for parent participation.

Needed: parent helpers for an afternoon of dinosaur mask making.

As I took it out of the school bag, I thought to myself I just can’t do it.

Like many mums I work and with three kids the juggle is tough. Three sets of events to be at, three sets of concerts to watch.

Three different races to cheer. Three different matches to attend.

Three sets of guilt all encompassing at times.

“But Mama, the other mums stay longer.”

“But Mama HIS mum came in to help out.”

“Why don’t you ever come in?”

“Please, Mama. Please.”

It is yet another THING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.

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It is yet another demand on life that we mothers dissect and analyse. But while we all feel the pressure to Be Involved, you have to stop and wonder for a moment just where that pressure comes from?

Is it pressure from the schools? Are we convinced we will be doing our children harm if we DON’T attend? Or is it just another pressure we place on ourselves?

Do you look at THAT mum, you know the one who is always at school, behind the desk at the uniform shop, first to volunteer for the cupcake stall, head of the parents’ committee and feel like we don’t quite measure up?

A straw poll of mums I know tells me that most of them would love to be involved in their child’s class, especially in the early years, but they just struggle to find the time.

“I do one reading group a term” says a colleague. “When I can get a day off work, but I know it just doesn’t add up to enough.”

“I try to do tuckshop duty once a year,” says another but, “I can’t compete with those stay-at-home mums who are there once a week.”

“I have three young kids at home,” says said one stay-at-home-mum. “So I simply can’t get into the classroom to help out but I do try and go to the end of year assembly.”

Get some perspective. Bestselling author, Forbes columnist, master coach and mother of four, Margie Warrell, with some tips on how to beat the guilt. (Post continues after video). 

Well guess what? That is fine. What you are doing, contrary to what you might believe, is enough.

(So I keep telling myself.)

I just have to stay away from reading studies like one conducted a few years ago from the US that concluded students with parents who are involved in their schooling tend to have fewer behavioural problems, better academic performance, and the students are more likely to complete high school.

But don’t let that become another THING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT because these studies looked at any involvement in schooling – be that reading with your child at night, helping out with homework, showing an interest in a school project.

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Another study, an Australian one this time, showed that parents have the greatest influence on the achievement of young people through supporting their learning in the home rather than supporting activities in the school. It is their support of learning within the home environment that makes the maximum difference to achievement. The study showed that parental involvement directly at school had little impact on pupil achievement.

Another sports carnival to go to. Great.

Clinical Psychologist Jo Lamble told Mamamia that we need to relax. “Children benefit from their parents knowing the names of their teachers and their close friends. Having an idea of when their homework is due is more helpful than doing the homework for them. Asking them about the excursion they went on is just as effective as being the parent who goes on every trip with the class. Wishing them luck in the carnivals and rewarding their effort is fine. You don’t have to be there on the sideline for them to feel supported.”

But try telling that to my kids who moan and groan any time I am not around.

Again Jo Lamble says relax.

“We shouldn’t apologise to our kids for working because then they get the idea that we are letting them down in some way. Rather, we should tell them how much we enjoy work or the benefits of working and hope that they find something that they love to do when they are adults. It’s their time at school, not ours.”

Phew. Now I just need to get out of dinosaur mask-making.

Do you feel a pressure to volunteer at your child’s school or daycare?

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