9 parenting dilemmas you never expected to have.

Parenting: it’s like a game of scruples. Only with baby poo.

Before I became a parent the biggest dilemma I faced on a regular basis was whether to hit the gym before or after work. Did I want to arrive at work red faced but invigorated, or risk slacking off after work and going for a wine instead.

Oh, there were other daily predicaments. Skim milk or soy? The high heels boots or the flatties. To SMS him the morning after or to wait a few days…

And then, of course, as life drew on there were a few bigger decisions to be made. But nothing extreme. Nothing mind blowing. Nothing disgusting.

Until I had a baby.

Contemplating those teeny moral quandaries about whether to pick up my (small) dog’s delicately placed faeces paled in comparison to what I was about to face.

In theory we parents hold all sorts of high morals: Oh I will never feed my children treats. I will never give in to a tantrum. I would never, ever send them to daycare the day after they’ve been vomiting (even if I did have a super important meeting to go to).

Homework – the little blighters can do it themselves.

But we all know tactics change on the battlefield, and after a while parenting becomes like a game scruples, with constant internal chatter invading our headspace. Do I really have to? Should I? What if I? Could I possibly?

These 9 unexpected parenting dilemmas might sound a little familiar:

1. Do I really have to wash those sheets after they have been weed on for the second time in a night? Or can I just throw a towel over the wet patch till morning? No one will know…

2. Wipe the projectile vomit off the baby gro and let it dry? Or do I have to change it?

3. Do I have to call the perfectly groomed mother of the perfectly behaved child my daughter just had a delightful playdate with to tell her my  five-year old has woken up with nits? Or should I chance it and hope they didn’t play hairdressers.

4.  Nappy explosion on the long haul flight just as the seatbelts sign goes off. The queue for the loos is half way down the aisle. You have a wrap to place beneath him, and you are disembarking in half an hour anyway… To change on the seat or not? Hmm.. 

5. Do you really have to examine the poop? Or can you just whack one of those chocolaty squares in their dripply little mouth and just hope for the best?

6.  Is it ever okay to talk to your kids about eating healthy foods (‘Are you paying attention? Go and get a banana.) and then seek solace in your secret stash of chocolate?

7. Post day care challenge: Chuck the “soiled” knickers (if only it was just soil) and deal with the guilt of wastage on our already overloaded planet or peg your nose and wash them out.

8.  School uniform challenge:  Wash them every day, every few days, or just when you get around to it? Come on no one can see the snot trails on shirts of that colour. It’s practically clean.

9. Barbie down the toilet? She’s easily rinsed, and no one would ever know what she went through down there..

Its a minefield folks. A vomit-and-poo soaked minefield. But one we wouldn’t trade for anything.

What parenting dilemas have you faced that you never believed possible in your pre-child existence?