by KATE WALTHER
Last year I thought I was going to lose my baby. Actually, I was assured time and time again that I would go into labour before they could save my little girl. At the time my mother said to me, ‘you will get through this and in a year you won’t remember how you did it.’
It started the night before a routine scan. Something was nagging at me. We had just bought a house and hadn’t yet sold our own property. I was 5 months pregnant. All a little stressful, but that wasn’t it. Instinct was telling me something wasn’t right.
At the scan the radiologist smiled kindly at me. “I’m going to get your doctor.” Never something you want to hear.
Dr Peters spoke gravely. “This is a disaster. I am surprised you are not in labour. We won’t be able to save her.”
We were told our baby would have a 1 in 100 chance of survival – in Australia babies born before 24 weeks are not resuscitated because their quality of life is poor. If they survive, they have a 1 in 100 chance of being ‘in-tact’, meaning they will most likely have some minor movement and developmental problems requiring ongoing treatment, but they will not be severely disabled or developmentally delayed. At 23 weeks it was utterly hopeless.
I started watching the clock, hoping I could make it another minute without giving birth. One minute. Still pregnant. 60 more ticks. Still pregnant. Keep going. Eventually 5, then 10. I watched the clock incessantly, filled with a deep slow moving dread that swept over me in waves. All I could do was watch the clock and wait for the imminent heartbreaking loss.
Top Comments
Wow what an inspiration, so happy that you have your princess safe and sound.If you dont mind me asking which hospital you were at ? My sister is currently 19 weeks and very high risk for preterm and i want to find her the best care possible.
Nine and a half years ago I gave birth to 27 week old twin girls. Reading this brought me to tears reliving the memories of the girls I brought home after 13 weeks in two different NICUs, two neurosurgeries and lots of fear, hope and utter exhaustion.
The part of your story I like the most is when you said you "just knew" - I had those feelings too. One of my daughters had had a brain haemorrhage which is why they were premmie; there were so many ifs and maybes concerning her health in those first few weeks (up until she walked at 2 years old, really) but all the while I had the strongest feelings that she would be OK. I just knew.
I have photos exactly the same as yours, nursing babies too tiny to believe - I can't believe my babies will be turning 10 on their next birthday. Happy 1st birthday to Lucy, wishing you many more.