“We had ‘parent sex’ yesterday”: The reality of life with children.

 

If you have children you might find yourself tired, strung out and without a lot of spare time on your hands.

You probably don’t remember the last time you had five minutes to yourself, let alone enough time for some romance with your partner.

You are not the only ones. Perth blogger Constance Hall has four children. One-year old twins, Rumi and Snow, Arlo Love, 4,  and Billie-Violet, 6. constance 3 crop

Which probably makes it difficult to find any time at all for any kind of intimacy with her husband.

Hall found out just how widespread this problem is when she wrote about her completely unromantic sex life on Facebook.

“We had “parent sex” yesterday.

Advertisement

“You know what parent sex is, it’s that 3.5 minutes you get in between changing nappies and making food, where you notice that all of your kids are pretty distracted,” she wrote in the post, which has since been shared over 33,000 times, and has almost as many comments.

She continued:

Where you realise it’s been almost a month since you banged and are starting to feel like flat mates.

Where your husband’s seduction consists of one finger pointing towards the bedroom and the other hand on his dick.

Where you position the bed to have one foot against the door because for a loud bunch of kids, yours can be pretty quiet when they’re sneaking up on people.

Where no matter how hot it is you chuck the doona on top of yourselves in case someone manages to barge through and catch mummy and daddy doing “yoga” in bed.”

It’s a pretty romantic scene really, listening to Iggle Piggle in the back ground, knowing your days are numbered when you hear the ad break.

Men are amazing and impressive creatures, by sheer determination, it’s inspiring how one can manage to “finish” under such circumstances, us women, aren’t always so easy.

All the while gleefully thinking about how much of a sex goddess, vixen you are and how your fella is finally going to stop being an arse for at least a whole day.

Well mine was pretty impressed, even if I just lied there, saggy boobs, baby belly pouch, hairy minge and all, he still thinks I’m amazing.

Hall said the post had led to a massive boost for her blog, and that she was overwhelmed by the way it had really touched a nerve.

“I’m so over excited and temporarily up myself I can’t cope. All these new followers!!! And so many shares on my last post… I actually got recognised as the facey parent shagger at the servo,” she wrote in a follow-up post.

“I kissed the woman all over her face and I made her pretend she loved it.”

So next time you’re frantically trying to evade the children for long enough to get some, remember you are not alone with your foot on the door.

FROM OUR NETWORK
JOIN THE CONVERSATION