As a relationship moves from its butterfly-inducing early stages to those more sustainable long-term ones, sexual hunger tends to fizzle. And not in a good way.
Online forums and anonymous advice columns are littered with questions about ‘the sexless relationship’; the missing spark; the sex we used to have.
But according to Osher Günsberg and clinical psychologist Leanne Hall, hosts of Mamamia’s new Love Life podcast, it doesn’t have to be that way.
Listen: Leanne Hall knows how to bring the sex back into your relationship. Post continues after audio…
“You can’t just turn to him or turn to her at the end of the night and say ‘how bout it?'” says Hall. “Couples stop investing in each other and they take it [sex] for granted. It’s on tap.”
According to Hall, a qualified psychologist and lifestyle expert, men and women drop the ball for very different reasons.
“Men stop investing in the emotional side of things, and women tend to stop investing in the physical side of things.”
It’s inevitable. As the sexual exploration and tension from the beginning of any relationship dissipates, so does the intimacy. As a relationship goes on, a few things tend to happen: we become accustomed to each other’s sexual rhythms; we put in less effort; and we eventually enter a ‘sexual rut’ – the same sex (or lack thereof)… at the same time… in the same place.
Often, it’s not our fault. Jobs and careers and family and life creep up; demand our immediate attention. And as a result, we stop prioritising our partner.
"Women tend to shut down physically when they're stressed... all of a sudden sex becomes the last thing [on their minds]. They're not prioritising their partner - because for HIM, that's a really important thing - that's how men feel intimacy; that's how men feel loved - through sex."
Osher attests: when a male feels like he's not "ringin' your bell" sexually, it can make him feel insecure; depleted.