By JAMILA RIZVI
So, I have a new boyfriend.
Well not that new. He’s been around for a while now but I tend to be kind of slow off the mark with putting a name on these sorts of things.
Anyhoo. Things are moving along nicely, although we do live in different cities which can be a challenge. People remark regularly on the long distance thing, commenting that it must be so difficult for us and looking at me with a pitiful gaze.
But, ah, the thing is. Ahem… in some ways, it’s actually, kind of a relief.
I have been single on and off for about 2 years now. No relationships longer than a few months. And over that period I have developed numerous Shameful Single Person Behaviours (or, if you want to use the hip and abbreviated term like all the cool kids do, SSPBs).
Were Jez and I to inhabit in the same city? Well, these behaviours would have to be revealed and most likely lead to him (a) him calling my parents and having me committed to some kind of institution or (b) him running away very, very fast.
But you won’t abandon me for my shame, will you dear Mamamia readers?
I can be honest with YOU. So here goes…
Household chores of any variety are not something I enjoy and in the absence of company to pass the time while completing them…. I like to pretend I am a rockstar.
I’m going to pause for a moment to let that sink in.
This means that when folding my washing, wielding a vacuum or indeed, cooking a meal – I like to turn it into a little performance.
I am the star of this performance; very much the star. My backing vocalists include all the big names (though none are quite in my own stratosphere of super stardom) and include Pat Benatar, Michael Jackson, Bon Jovi and the cast of Glee.
Sometimes I perform in the standard venue of my bedroom, but I’m a believer in sharing my music with all the fans and regularly take my show on the road; touring venues such as the living room, the laundry, the kitchen and yes, the bathroom (the acoustics are AMAZING).
And while my musical talents remain currently unrecognised beyond the sweet, sweet confines of my own home and admittedly the audience numbers are limited to household appliances and the occasional soft toy of my childhood – I never fail to dress to impress.
Yes. That’s right.
A J-Rizzle performance (what? Everyone needs a stage name, man) is never complete without the on-stage get-up of pyjama pants, an Obama ‘Hope we can believe in’ singlet top, a sideways pony tail and stilettos.
Yes. I clean the house in stilettos – IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A STAR, OKAY?
Your turn now. I cannot be the only one. What is (or was) your Shameful Single Person Behaviour? And what else has been happening in your world?
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