We all knew this day was coming.
As per Blade Runner, The Terminator and everything involving Will Smith; we already knew killer robots are officially on the list of ‘things to worry about in the future’, along with the discontinuation of Sriracha and bunions. We fully expected our beloved, genius inventions to, at some point, turn on their human masters and become murderous monsters.
But did we know that day would be so soon?
Well, folks, first cab off the rank in 2015 to be filed under ‘Murderous Technology’ is...the Nutribullet.
I first learned about the Nutribullet’s villainous nature when my friend Jaimie (sorry for not giving you a fake name, Jaimie) exploded hers in spectacular fashion a few weeks back.
There was pumpkin soup for days, strewn across her kitchen, up the walls, down the walls, across the walls, IN THE WALLS… and sitting smugly among the disaster was the Nutribullet, looking all slick and modern and innocent like: “What, this? Wasn’t me.”
Not long after Jaimie’s kitchen disaster, I had my own life challenged by a Nutribullet. My Nutribullet. My maker of a thousand green smoothies, my old confidente of Wednesday night cheeky margaritas. My blender, my shaker, my 21st century kitchen friend betrayed my trust and, well, tried to kill me.
Potentially inspired by Jaimie’s soup blending strategy, I poured my own heart and soul (read: tomato soup) into the Nutribullet and had but a brief pause as I considered “Is this dangerous?” But, just like the time I broke my arm by playing Human Cannonball against a trampoline propped vertically on a concrete wall, the answer was “Heck no! Live a little! What’s the worst that could happen?”
A boiling hot soup explosion, that’s what. As the blades began to whir and my hand slow-motion grasped for the lid, searing hot soup begun to splurt in majestic arcs across my kitchen.
Horrified, the first thing that came to my mind was my mother’s face and a wagging finger and that good old line – “I told you so.”
As it turns out, however, Jaimie and I actually got off pretty lightly. In recent months there have been numerous stories about Nutribullet and other blender disasters, some of which had very real, and very dangerous results.