So. I don’t want to get married.
Turns out this isn’t a popular opinion for a woman to have. At least judging by reactions I receive, which occasionally seem like responses more appropriate had I just casually declared I like to suffocate puppies in my spare time.
I’ve never fantasised about the moment of finally finding the perfect white dress. I don’t have a venue for my nuptials lined up and have never considered making a tentative booking “just in case” someone popped the question.
There’s never been a period where I meticulously dropped hints to anyone I’ve dated about what my ideal marriage proposal should involve, I don’t lust for the day I can fondly refer to someone as my “hubby”, and the extent of my knowledge about the best cut, clarity, colour and carat of diamond rings is particularly woeful.
By current Western society standards, I’m doing it wrong. I’m supposed to flick through wedding magazines and envy the beaming brides reflected in its pages. I’m meant to be so wrapped up in the fairytale, happily-ever-after, he-put-a-ring-on-it-so-I-guess-I’m-basically-Beyoncé ideal that demands that nothing less than being united in holy matrimony with a lover can cement my Being Truly Awesome At Life status.
But there’s a problem. I don’t want it.
When I think about marriage I feel indifferent at best. At worst, I feel as though the concept has become redundant. An arbitrary, outdated social structure. Unnecessary.
If I fall in love, I shouldn’t have to sign a contract to prove it. If it doesn’t work out, I don’t want to be subjected to a lengthy and costly divorce. I have no desire to check the “married” box on forms and it seems wasteful to spend cash on a wedding I never coveted anyway.
I’d much rather spend the money on something more meaningful to me. Like a holiday together. Or a house deposit. Or scrunching up $100 notes, drenching them in Moët and lighting them on fire before stamping out the flames with a cricket bat made from solid gold. (Because that’s what people usually do with all the money they save from not having a wedding, right?)