beauty

No, it's not a joke. Someone actually wrote this story.

By MAMAMIA TEAM

Several Australian newspapers have today published a very, very, very important political story. A key new hair trend amongst female members of Prime Minister Tony Abbott’s team has been identified: the ‘Coalition Coif’.

The story was also widely published online. It read: “As the women lined up next to Australia’s 28th prime minister to be sworn in today by the ever-glamorous governor-general, Quentin Bryce, one thing stood out – a trend that could be called the “coalition coif”. It’s a helmet-like hairdo that is strikingly similar to the iconic hairstyle of Britain’s late iron lady, Margaret Thatcher.”

Mamamia laboured through the entire article (so you don’t have to) and below, we present the five most completely ridiculous things about it.

1. Hairdresser to the stars Joh Bailey got a look-in as a political commentator.

Stylist to the stars, Joh Bailey.

“It’s definitely power hair… The look is very controlled – and very controlling. And I don’t think you’d call it overly modern. But I do think Julie Bishop does look good most of the time. I think she looks appropriate.”

This is parliament Joh, give us the explanatory memorandum:

“It’s definitely a hairdresser’s look; it’s not something I think you could conjure up in your bathroom in the morning.”

But what does the hair say about her approach to governance?

“Let’s not go changing. We’re solid. We’re not fly-by-night.”

Thanks Joh.

2. These choice quotes about first lady Margie Abbott.

Margie Abbott.

“Australia’s new first lady, Margie Abbott, seems to have visited her local Forestville salon and got herself a nice modern chop, an efficient style requiring no special attention in the morning.”

“The big question is, will that change, especially now Mrs Abbott will be expected to glam up and stand by her man at official functions?”

Will somebody PLEASE call Leigh Sales and/or Laurie Oakes?

ADVERTISEMENT

This is a political EMERGENCY.

3. The part where other female politicians are named and shamed for not going with the ‘Coif’.

Sorry Penny but the media says that’s a #hairfail

Oh, didn’t you know? Labor Party members Senator Penny Wong and Jenny Macklin have let down their party and country by having completely inadequate hair height and/or stiffness.

“Labor’s key women including Penny Wong, Jenny Macklin and Jacinta Collins seem to… happily ignore hair issues.”

HOW VERY DARE THEY.

But thank the political gods that Tanya Plibersek, Member for Sydney and deputy leader contender, has some serious game in the hair stakes.

The article provided a helpful critique of her skills: “…there’s occasionally something a bit bouffant about Tanya Plibersek: the former health minister may be on Labor’s left, but her blonde hair sometimes leans to the right.”

Mamamia has reached out to Tanya for comment on whether or not her hair betrays her secret right wing ideology.

We’re yet to receive a response.

Sarah Hanson-Young. Not a user of hairspray.

4. This funny, funny joke.

“It’s fair to assume we probably won’t ever see Greens women such as Christine Milne or Sarah Hanson-Young sporting helmet-hair (way too many emissions from those nasty aerosol cans).”

Get it?!? Because GREENS care about the environment!?! ZING!

5. The final sentence.

We suggest that young women with political aspirations take careful note of this:

For those Liberal women wanting to be promoted to the inner circle, it could be as easy as a bit more spray.”

There you go, ladies – there’s your answer. Our national newspapers have analysed this shiz: HAIRPSRAY 4 LADEEZ = PARLYMINT.

We wish you well in your electoral pursuits…

*Yeah…. we didn’t call Tanya at all.

Light blue and pink butterfly illustration. You click, we help. Shooting star illustration.

Mamamia is funding 100 girls in school, every day.

So just by spending time with Mamamia, you’re helping educate girls, which is the best tool to lift them out of poverty.

Thanks for helping!

Light blue and pink butterfly illustration. Girl with pigtails sitting at desk writing in notebook. Row of four books.
Three hands holding books
00:00 / ???