By NATALIA HAWK
You might remember the scene from the first Sex & the City movie.
Carrie and Big are sitting in the kitchen. Big is chopping vegetables, and then marriage somehow comes up in conversation.
“Do you want to get married?” Carrie asks.
“I wouldn’t mind being married to you,” Big replies. “Would you mind being married to me?”
“Not if that’s what you wanted,” Carrie says.
Then they both agree to get married.
This, my friends, is what’s called the mutual proposal.
The mutual proposal is a term recently coined by Salon staff writer Tracy Clark-Flory in an article called “Why are men still proposing?”. It’s what happens when a traditional, man-gets-on-one-knee-with-a-diamond-in-one-hand proposal gets thrown out the window and replaced with… a reasonable conversation between two people about the most appropriate way forward.
It is literally the thing my worst proposal-related nightmares are made of.
But let’s not get into that just yet. Let’s look at Tracy’s experience of the mutual proposal. One day, her and her significant other Christopher hiked through a forest to get to a cliff that overlooked an ocean. They sat down together, and then this happened:
Turquoise waves churned below and a seagull took stomach-turning dives as we read each other letters we had written moments before alongside a shady creek. These notes — our individual expressions of why we wanted to make this commitment — said the same things with different words. We cried, hugged and then took turns asking, “Will you marry me?” We both said yes and, hands shaking, slipped engagement rings on each other’s fingers.
See? They asked each other to marry… each other. Hence the “mutual proposal” phrase. Because – as Tracy explains – it’s the most appropriate term for such a non-traditional approach.