Truth bomb alert.
I don’t have many friends with children. And by that, I mean I only have one friend who has had kids.
I know this one mother really well. We met when we were 10-years-old and she’s been stuck with me ever since. However she lives three hours away from my home and that makes hanging out nearly impossible. I only see her once a year.
So I guess I am technically down to none. Zero mum friends.
I know a lot of mothers and I am friendly with them but I wouldn’t call any of them at 4am in a DEFQON 1 meltdown. (Yes, that is how I judge the strength of a friendship. Is that wrong?!)
Both my girls are starting new schools this year and I am determined to make friends. I am ready. Up until now I haven’t been because I was being a wanker about the whole situation.
In the past I avoided other mothers because I perceived them as a judgmental right wing communist zombie cult, who were hell bent on ripping the sequins from my body and replacing them with front-pleated grey slacks and a pair of Crocs.
So I was being very rational about it.
I would go as far a to say I alienated myself from every mother I met; going out of my way to act like a pre-teen twat. I just wanted to bash them over the head with how YOUNG I was and how SO NOT LIKE them I was and look at me I am so young and not like you and groovy and cool and young and look at me.
It would go down like this:
Other Mother: “Hi Em, how is Chella going with her athletics?”
Em: “Great thanks. God I am so hungover from being at the club last night. I probably still have glitter in my hair. Do I? Those gays! From podium to primary school, huh? I really need a job with better hours. Kay, thanks by”.
What a dick head.
You know I also wonder if school mums get a bad wrap? Surely they can’t be as scary as they are made out to be? Look, there are probably a few bad eggs but the way some women I know talk about “the mums at school” in hushed frightened tones, you’d think dropping the kids off each day was akin to entering the Hunger Games arena.
Making new friends as an adult can be tough. Especially for me as I am an introverted loud mouth with little to no filter.