It is the mothers of the Bali 9 duo who will suffer the most.

My thoughts are with Andrew and Myuran, but my heart is with Helen and Raji.

The Indonesian Government issued notice of execution to Andrew Chan and Myuran Sukumaran, two members of the Bali 9 convicted of drug smuggling in 2005. The two may be killed as early as tomorrow evening.

My mind is on the two men. They were stupid, stupid boys ten years ago, there’s no doubt. They committed a very serious crime and they ought to face serious consequences for their actions. But execution, the taking of life by a Government? That’s not justice.

Having said that though, just as much as my mind is on Andrew and Myuran, my heart is with their mothers. No parent should have to bury a child.

Something happens to you when you have a child, it’s more profound that the explosion of love so often talked about. Yes, your heart explodes with love for your child, but a mother’s connection with her baby is deep and unfathomable.

It many ways, it is human nature to protect ourselves from harm, physical and emotional. We are cautious when we offer love, fearful of getting hurt. We guard our hearts, slowly journeying into relationships, holding back so that if a relationship doesn’t work we don’t lose too much of ourselves.

It seems to me that the opposite is true for parents. I feel, looking into the faces of my own children, as if I have passed over my whole heart to these little people.

I love them without caution. I cannot do anything other.

This is the ultimate act of vulnerability, because with them goes my unprotected, unguarded self. I am not sure I could bear it if they were to fall seriously ill, if they were to take a fall or be injured.

I sometimes wake from brutal dreams where I’m at my child’s funeral. I sit upright, sobbing into the midnight.

If, God forbid, one of them were to die, I fear my heart would die with them.

And so, today my thoughts are with Helen Chan and Raji Sukumaran.

Andrew’s mother, Helen, spoke to ABC’s Four Corners earlier this year, “why is it that the Indonesian president does not give him a chance and have pity on us being aged parents?

“We are old and in poor health and we do not have long to live, therefore we would not like to see our son go before us.”

Myuran’s mother, Raji gave a press conference recently, “I understand the serious crime my son committed. They are both very sorry for this. We are very sorry.

“They are not the same people who committed the crime almost 10 years ago.”

How right Raji is.

While it seems slight, while Andrew and Myuran are alive there is still hope. I have pledged my support for the Mercy Campaign for Andrew and Myuran here. I hope you will too, if not for Andrew and Myuran, then for their mothers who will suffer more in their deaths than any other.

#istandformercy

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