real life

"To the woman who keeps messaging my boyfriend: Please stop."

Is it just me or do some exes not understand that it’s not okay to message someone who is now in a relationship?

Friends of the opposite sex can absolutely be friends and should exercise their right to talk and hang out. But, if you’re an ex, texting someone who’s in a new relationship, you need to stop. Not only for the happy couples’ sake, but for your own.

So here’s the issue that sparked these thoughtsMy boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year, we are very happy, in the process of moving in together and are planning another holiday together. But there is one thing that respectively, I am getting sick of… His ex girlfriend won’t stop messaging him.

 We will use the term ‘ex girlfriend’ very loosely because they never formally had that discussion but dated intermittently for a year. 

It all began when we first started dating, and he uploaded a picture of himself (looking mighty fine) at his annual footy ball. She commented “looking good” with a winking emoji. Naturally, that early into a relationship you don’t want to say anything to him about it but luckily, I didn’t have to. He brought it up the next day and unfriended her in the hope she wouldn’t contact him.

But she now slides into his Instagram DMs and says things like “I’m so glad to see that you’re happy”. 

Now, if I could, I’d bet $1000 on what you’re all thinking: “Her boyfriend probably encourages it, that’s why she doesn’t stop”. But you’d be completely and utterly wrong.

I am not one of those women who thinks their boyfriend is a saint – I am not stupidly naive. But he has never done anything to prove that he encourages this behaviour. In fact, I am shown every message she sends, every comment, every like, and yet he still does not respond or encourage her.


I have been cheated on in the past so yeah, you could say I am the definition of skeptical, but I wholeheartedly know he’s not interested and doesn’t reciprocate.

My dilemma is this: I want to reply to her, asking why she’s messaging him. She can clearly see he’s happy, she’s made that clear in her messages, but yet, like clock work, she pops up every so often. Too often, in fact.

My boyfriend said that replying to her will make it worse. “It will encourage her behaviour because she wants me to reply and I don’t want her to message me at all, why would I give her the satisfaction of a reply?” he said.

I’m verging on going crazy because I need to know why she’s messaging, and ultimately get her to stop.

What should I do? I just want her to stop. But in telling her, I guess I run the risk of coming across as threatened. I’m not threatened, I just think it comes down to right and wrong. It’s wrong to constantly message an ex who has clearly moved on and is visibly happy, and I am not sure how much longer I’ll be able to hold my response to her in… 

What do you think? Let us know in the comments.

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