This is why men are faking orgasms. Yes, men.

“I’ve put hair conditioner in a used condom before so that if she sees it, she would think that I’ve actually had an orgasm. It’s not for fear of getting her pregnant. Just because I couldn’t finish.”

“I pulled out and moaned and spat on her back.”

These were just two of the stories out of several men who called into the ABC radio station Triple J yesterday to talk about faking orgasms. Yes, men. 

We talk a lot about women faking orgasms – that reaching climax is more difficult; that there is little education around pleasuring a woman; that porn is more about male pleasure, than female enjoyment. And that all these factors conspire to make it easier for a woman to moan, groan, and not-actually-come, than it is to reach climax.

We don’t talk about men faking orgasms but, apparently, we should be. A 2010 study out of the University of Kansas in the US found 25 per cent of the 180 men surveyed reported faking orgasms.

Sex Therepist Patrick Lumbroso, who talked to Triple J yesterday, said it’s not “common” but it does happen.

But… how?

“There’s a lot in common between the way women fake orgasms, and men fake orgasms,” Lumbroso  said. “The moaning, the crying out, all that stuff [is involved].”

“Often the guy is wearing a condom, so if he moans and screams and quickly pulls out and turns to the side and grabs a tissue, [it’s difficult to tell],” Lumbroso continued. “It’s like a slight of hand.”

Wouldn’t he still be erect?

“I think a lot of guys can control their timing,” Lumbroso said. “It also might be a situation where he is starting to lose his erection. He might have some sort of performance anxiety, he’s become distracted, or he’s intoxicated, and can’t manage to keep things going.”

Mind. Blown. 

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There are several reasons a man might prefer to fake an orgasm.

Intoxication is a big one. “In two studies – 2010 and 2016 – intoxication was actually seen as being one of the primary reasons men fake orgasms,” Lumbroso said. “If someone’s drunk, yes orgasm becomes more difficult but also they become more tired.”

Tiredness alone is also an issue. “He might be exhausted, tired, or maybe just had enough.”

It might stem from a fear of pregnancy. “If a guy feels like he’s being pressured into having a baby with a woman, he will pretend that he ejaculates, so they can continue having sex but without necessarily the risk of making the woman pregnant,” Lumbroso said.

Maybe it’s for clinical reasons. Delayed ejaculation is a common medical condition that means men can last for hours, maintaining their erection, without climaxing. Often they fake an orgasm out of exhaustion.

It might be due to medication. Anti-depressants, for example, have been found to delay ejaculation, and “failed” anti-depressants are often prescribed to those suffering from premature ejaculation.

According to Lumbroso, the motivation for faking an orgasm is (usually) innocent.

“I think a lot of the time it’s done out of good reason,” he said. “Or maybe because the other person is struggling. It’s not done out of vindictiveness. It’s done to avoid embarrassment or making the other person feel bad.

“They’re trying to avoid argument, they’re trying to avoid having to explain why they didn’t come, and answer questions like: ‘is something wrong, don’t you find me attractive?'”

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Problem is, if the communication (and the climaxing) is faltering regularly, it could be a sign of deeper problems within the relationship. “It does come from a good place, but the consequences can be quite devastating,” Lumbroso said.

For example:

“I used to fake orgasm with a girlfriend. We had really boring sex and I simply wasn’t into it,” one man told Triple J. “I wanted it to be finished as soon as possible and would pretend to come. Wearing a condom made it easy. It was really indicative of how bad our relationship was. I think we were both scared of breaking up and deceived each other through sex.”

“There was no affection there,” another man said.

Typically, men reach climax more easily than women. The anatomy is easier to understand, the nerves are closer to the surface. Lumbroso says this fact – that it’s easier for men to orgasm, and maybe they’re just not trying – is the difference between men and women faking orgasms.

“Both men and women make a conscious decision to fake orgasms. However, a lot of the time with women, the guy is a dud or he can’t find the right spot,” he said.

“It’s a lot easier to bring guys to climax, so I think perhaps it’s a little more mischievous when they fake it because there’s a common misconception that they don’t.”