'Sorry kids. All I want for Mothers' Day is for you to leave me the f#@k alone.'

Husbands, take note. Here is a comprehensive list of what we actually want for Mother’s Day.

Basically, all I want is for you to go away.  And I’m not the only one.

This week on Mamamia’s parenting podcast, I was nodding along. Because it was the truth that dare not be spoken:

Here’s the other things on my list:

1. A sleep in.

2. A quiet cup of coffee, unencumbered by Thomas the Tank Engine and Peppa Pig.

3. To have a shower by myself. That means not having to watch my three year old have a wee at the same time.

4. To go to the loo without having to negotiate the terms and conditions whereby I get to go on my own.

5. Time to read the newspaper and do the Sudoku. 

6. To smell roses, not baby’s bum.

7. To sit on the couch for more than five minutes at a time, and without being interrupted to fetch drinks or snacks.

8. To enjoy a lunch that is more interesting than a Vegemite sandwich and a chopped up apple.

9. For someone else to fold the laundry.

10. To go for a walk in the sunshine without having to stop at the playground.

11. To not have to deal with other people’s bodily fluids.

12. To pop out to the shopping mall with nothing more than my wallet, keys and phone.

13. To have someone cook grown up food for me for dinner.

14. To have a bath myself, not give other people a bath.

The full episode of the podcast is here:

But do what the cool kids do and download it in itunes so you can listen while you’re at the cafe on Mother’s Day by yourself.

If you missed out last episode, on childcare centres sending home poo in a bag, you can find that here.

Or, you might like to know how to deal with a fussy eater.  Or just that you’re not the only parent who doesn’t know what the heck they’re doing.

If you’re not sure how to download a podcast: follow these simple steps in this video and get listening:

Because we are all in this together, chums.

Is needing time alone on Mother’s Day a bit wrong?