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"It's every school mum's worst fear. And I'm okay with it."

What would you do if this was your child?

Every day this year since school has started back, I have asked my eight-year-old daughter the same question, trying to sound casual: “Who did you play with at lunch and recess today?”

She gives me the same answer: “Nobody.”

She sounds surprised, as if she wonders why I’m asking. She tells me what she’s been doing instead. She’s been in the library, reading books. Or walking around the oval looking for interesting plants. Or pretending to be a spy.

My daughter has never been keen on playing with other children. I used to think it was a bit odd when we went to playgroup and she would find a book and sit by herself. People told me she would change as she got older. She didn’t.

This is what made my daughter happy at playgroup.

I have been trying for the past three years to encourage her to play with her classmates at lunch and recess. The school has been fantastic. In her first year there, an older student was appointed to be her "big sister". In her second year, the teacher got other girls to invite her to join their group. Last year, she was put in charge of some of the sports equipment at lunch.

To be honest, she'd rather just be on her own.

The other kids seem to like her. They always say hello. She does talk to them. I've heard her compliment them on their new bag or the great drawing they've done. In class, she's happy to work in groups. But then the bell rings and she's off for some alone time.

She's sometimes had girls from school over for a playdate, even for a sleepover. They'll play together for a bit, at first, and I can feel my hopes rising. But after a while, the other girl will come up to me, complaining that my daughter isn't playing with her anymore and has disappeared somewhere. That's when my younger daughter saves the day by rushing up and enthusiastically joining in a game of hide-and-seek or dress-ups or whatever.

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Oh yes. My younger daughter. A social butterfly. Lots of friends. Wants to do whatever all the other kids are doing. Will totally give in to peer pressure when she's a teenager.

But my older daughter is my worry now. No parent wants to think of their child being alone at lunch and recess. Friends equal happiness, right?

But...

But...

I'm starting to think that maybe I should just let go. Maybe that equation doesn't apply to my daughter. Maybe she is happy. Maybe she'd rather spend time with a book than a classmate. Is that so bad?

This is what makes my daughter happy now.

We accept there are some adults who like their space and don't feel the need to be socialising all the time. It's just very hard to accept that in a child. But maybe I should accept that. Maybe I should just let my daughter be. Or is that me taking the easy way out?

I have a vision of her in the future, living in a house full of books, with a beautiful garden. She's happy on her own, or maybe she's found someone else who likes books and gardening and quiet time.

But I have another vision of her in the future, isolated and lonely because she's never learnt how to make friends.

What would you do if it was your daughter?

Want more? Try:

"To my son, who has no friends."

A beautiful note from your child's teacher about exactly how much they care.