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We open on a narrator telling us that Melissa and Bryce have had a "romantic breakthrough" and, well, that's one way of putting it.
They're talking about the 'revelation' of his feelings for her, rather than the fact he a) has a secret girlfriend and b) said he'd be single by New Year's Eve??
hehe
heheh
heheheheh
Melissa says she's "chuffed" with how Bryce manipulated her in front of the experts but also the other contestants and yes well this is all very lovely.
Jason and Alana, however, are still living separately.
Jason tells the camera that the thing he most needs in a wife is to be able to bitch about his best friend Bryce in private. That's a real priority.
But pause because something has happened in Beck's personal life that is not at all related in any way to the fact she wrote 'Leave' last night and isn't allowed to go home.
It's her dog Oscar. He's sick with an undisclosed illness.
Look.
We are not in the business of accusing a woman of lying about her sick dog.
But is Beck lying about her sick dog right now?? Because the timing is impeccable.
"He needs me. For the rest of eternity."
Through tears she tells Jake that they've moved Oscar to a "medical hospital" and lady do you mean a... vet?
Jake is understanding, but does remark that he'd love Oscar to reconsider his timing.
He tells the camera he'd just like some "clarity" from Beck on where he stands and like okay sweetie we can give that to you immediately. In that Beck wants to leave. You. Today. As indicated by her card.
"Wait. Beck doesn't have a dog."
As Beck escapes goes to her dog's hospital, to place flowers by his bedside, she says, "I might not come back... to the experiment," and lol so true.
But it's time for Patrick and Belinda's final date and Patrick has big plans. Sexually.
"I'm shitting myself" Patrick says which isn't conducive to good sexual intimacy in our personal experience but continue.
He boxes a gift for Belinda and then says "I hope she can appreciate the GUEST-TURE" and Sir excuse us do you mean... gesture.
Belinda opens the present to find what can be best described as a 'dumb t-shirt' but what she refers to as a 'jersey' which is a stretch.
"Did he iron on my name... himself?"
She then must meet Patrick in a field and you better believe there are senior citizens playing the tuba.
There's a band and cheerleaders playing a song no one can recognise and we are mortified by this situation.
There's not a single thing that's okay about this do you understand.
This should be illegal.
Like is the woman meant to... dance? Or clap like a monkey? Because she's absolutely doing both.
Can you imagine being briefed. On this job. As a musician.
"You'll be going to a sporting oval."
"Oh. Is there a game on?"
"No. It's MAFS. There's a couple. You'll be playing music and cheerleading. No. None of it will be co-ordinated. Fin."
"If I understood what this program was I would've turned down. The job."
After the performance... ends... they skip away, excited to have sex to the tune of a tuba.
But hush now it's time for Melissa and Bryce's final date.
Bryce would like Melissa to come to Canberra to see the "real him" and Melissa thinks it would be great to ask Canberra, generally, if Bryce has a secret girlfriend.
"Do you guys hang out with her/them, too?"
When they arrive, they visit Bryce's friends, and relay what's been going on in the experiment.
His friends seem entirely unsurprised that he's exclusively experienced conflict for six weeks straight.
Cool.
But Melissa has been here for four minutes now, and she has questions about an alleged secret girlfriend.
All of Bryce's friends refuse to look her in the eye as they sit in silence.
"Is that the wife I met? Certainly."
"If I HAD a girlfriend on the outside," Bryce announces in an attempt to make things less awkward, "WHY would I tell anyone?" and Jesus Bryce that is not the number one question.
Over on Johnny and Kerry's final date they're having a picnic on a stage at the local theatre and DEAR GOD WHAT ARE BRYCE'S FRIENDS SAYING.
They have some snacks, before Johnny gives Kerry a gift. A key to his home.
Which is strange. Because she's never been there.
And they've been together. For three weeks.
But nevermind that to Bryce's friends are still silent and it's been six hours now.
Eventually, one says, "If I knew more... I'd comment," which isn't that... reassuring.
"No comment."
Jason, Bryce's other friend, pursues a different tactic. "What did he tell you?" he asks and dear God this is not looking good.
A producer then takes Jason aside to see if at least they can get the goss.
"No," Jason says about the allegations. Pause.
"I don't know. I don't know what he's doing," he whispers.
Cool.
THEY DON'T KNOW IF THEIR FRIEND IS LYING ABOUT CHEATING ON HIS CURRENT FAKE WIFE AND HOW IS THERE AMBIGUITY.
Jason's eyes say: "Just confirming you've only heard about the ONE alleged girlfriend... should I bring up the..."
No, Jason.
Bryce has to go now.
As they leave, the camera stays on his friend Elly.
"The gift thing is true..." she says definitively and EXCUSE US WOT.
Australian of the Year.
Elly. You're a local hero.
Melissa leaves the pub and says she found the whole experience a little "unnerving" and dw we're sure he'll introduce you to his girlfriend on the next Canberra trip.
When Melissa confronts Bryce about the fact his friends definitely think he might have a secret girlfriend, he says that he's getting very close to falling in love and sees a future with her and darling Bryce that does not answer the question.
Meanwhile, Georgia and Liam are having a fancy dinner in the city.
Liam asks Georgia if she will still be understanding of his sexuality after the experiment (??), and she eloquently explains that it will depend on how much "dick [he] needs in his life".
Georgia pls. We can't just ask people how much dick they need in their life.
"How can I be sure?"
Liam very kindly says he's monogamous and won't cheat and isn't it kinda like asking a straight person if they can be sure they won't want other penises and vaginas?
Look. It's probably a problematic conversation but given what's going on in Canberra (both in the news and with... Bryce), we'll allow it.
UNTIL TOMORROW NIGHT.
In case you missed our previous recaps...
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 23: 'Mate. That was disgusting.'
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 22: No one can stop yelling at Bryce.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 21: The most embarrassing decision we've ever seen.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 20: The man who single-handedly "ruined" a marriage.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 19: Booka just learned how much her husband dislikes her.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 18: When you break up in front of your parents.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 17: The most tone-deaf groom in MAFS history.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 16: Bryce 100%, without a doubt, has a secret girlfriend.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 14: When your wife ruins a stranger's wedding.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 13: The most embarrassing thing we've ever seen.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 12: "I hope everyone in Australia hates your guts."
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 11: We're kind of... into this cheating scandal.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 10: You can't just force people to have sex.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 9. When you're a d**k to your wife on national television.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 8: The beginning of a dirty cheatin' scandal.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 7: How was any of that... allowed.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 6: John Aiken just changed the rules.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 5: When you see your match and can't stop crying.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 4: A bride just realised she had a one night stand.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 3: Precisely no girl wants to be told she's 'not ugly'.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 2: Coco's husband would like to be brutally honest.
The Twins recap Married at First Sight ep 1: You can't just comment on someone's... teeth.
Feature Image: Nine.
