By ROSIE WATERLAND
I thought I’d jump on the bandwagon and reference Fifty Shades of Grey in a piece of writing. Given my up-to-date timing, it’s obvious I’m very much on the cultural pulse.
To be honest, I needed a little time to take it all in. And not for the flushed, rosy-cheeked reason you’re thinking of. It wasn’t really my cup of tea, but I do think it’s fabulous that it’s awakened the sexual beast in so many women.
The thing that irritated me was the virginity scene. It was painless, pleasurable and perfect. Three things that I’m sure no woman associates with losing her virginity. An orgasm during the first time? Really? The bar was raised incredibly high for young virgins in Fifty Shades, and I’m worried that some (all) of them are in for a very rude awakening.
For a lady, losing one’s virginity is very rarely a pleasant experience. It can be with someone you love; it can be sweet. But it’s also going to be awkward, messy and it’s almost certainly going to hurt. I’ve never met a woman who orgasmed the first time. I’m sure it can happen, but there’s no way it’s the norm. And going in to that experience expecting earth-shattering, romantic waves of pleasure is going to leave a lot of girls very disappointed.
So I’d like to present a virginity story to offset the one in Fifty Shades: mine. No two virginity stories are the same, so I can’t speak for all women, but I would like to offer up something that makes others feel OK about their first time being more hilarious than romantic.