by CARLY JACOBS
Love is extremely inconvenient. I’d know. I fell in love with an 18-year-old when I was 22 and we’ve quite casually and completely accidentally been together for 7 whole years. I have no idea how that happened, I was supposed to spend the last seven years on boats in Greece getting lots of hairy cock and STDs but as fate would have it, here I am, living in domestic bliss with a man who still gives me tingles in my nether regions.
Aside from our extraordinary ability to get diarrhoea at exactly the same time, I think our most impressive achievement to date is the survival of our two-year stint in a long distance relationship. Just quietly we found it remarkably easy, but for those of you who struggle, here are a few tips to see you through.
1. Be a planner.
Honestly, a long distance relationship is not going to last if one of you moves 800kms away from the other, neither of you have a car and you have to charter a private jet because airlines don’t fly to Why-The-Frick-Did-I-Move-Here Airport. Before you move discuss your financial situation and work commitments, then figure out how often you need/can see each other. Don’t expect it to all work out because travel is expensive, time-consuming and needs preparation.
2. But be spontaneous.
One day my partner and I really missed each other (a.k.a got really horny), so that night we met in a town in between our two cities, spent a glorious 24 hours in a hotel together, then went back to our respective cities. It was pretty hot. Do this often.
3. Be aware that the first three months are the hardest.
I was a mess in the first three months, broke, unemployed and drowning myself in cheap red wine. We put in some serious ground work in those months, lots of phone calls, extra visits, sending each other packages. Allow yourself the time to be a bit sad and clingy in this phase. It’s really okay.
4. If you are the one who’s leaving…
Be prepared to deal with how alone you may feel. I left my entire support network behind and felt incredibly lost and small without them. I quickly developed a little makeshift family and we’d spend every night together, sharing bottles of nasty plonk and getting way too hammered on weeknights. Make contacts in your new city as soon as you can, you need it.
5. If you are the one who’s staying…
Be aware that things will be slightly emptier. You don’t have all the excitement and adrenalin of a new life, so make sure you actively involve yourself in your partner’s experiences to avoid feeling jealous or left out of their new life. Also, keep busy. Idle hands can make for a very sad brain.
6. Make the commitment.
You either want it to work or you don’t. If you don’t want it to work, it won’t.
7. Treasure your time together.
Try not to spend every weekend together bawling into each others hair as you cling pathetically to the bed like a heart broken sea creature. Moving is, most of the time, self-inflicted. Remind yourself of that and have a good time with your lover while you have the chance.