sex

"My sex drive has plummeted during lockdown. Here are 5 ways I'm getting it back."

Lockdown has messed with my life in more ways than one, and I am over it.

Locky-D has changed how much I see my friends, the types of clothes I wear (I’ve been in the same jumper for almost a week), how much alcohol I consume and even my sex drive. These last couple of lockdowns have really killed my libido and I know I’m not alone. 

It’s unsurprising really, whether you’re single or coupled up there are a few things we have in common; we spend all day in comfy clothes, we rarely wear a bra, and the majority of us are just struggling to find the energy to get through the day, let alone feel sexy. 

If you have a partner, then not only are you going through all of the above but you have to share at home office space with the same person and try not to get irritated every time they ask someone to “circle back” to the original question. 

...On that note: Watch the horoscopes on a Zoom call. Post continues after video. 


Video via Mamamia.

Lockdown is rough on singles and couples alike, but if you’ve noticed a particularly large slump in your libido there may actually be a scientific reason for it: Anxiety.

Yup, as if anxiety hasn’t plagued your life enough, now it’s tormenting your private parts too.

Here’s the science: anxiety and stress send your body into fight-or-flight mode and for most of us that means our body is ignoring our pleasure centres and loses all interest in reproduction. You’re just trying to survive.

So, we’re all a bit stressed, but why else might your libido be waning? If you’re in a couple, you spend all day with the same person. You went from seeing someone at the beginning and end of everyday to staring at their mug all day everyday. That’s not sexy and sometimes it’s kind of annoying.

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Then there are children. They need feeding, entertaining, schooling, even if you had the urge, who has time for a little afternoon delight when the kids can hear everything through those thin inner city walls?

Our lifestyles have changed. Gyms are closed, I can’t go to yoga or dance class so my endorphins are all but gone and the way I feel about my body has changed. I still love my body and am grateful to be healthy, but I can’t tell you the last time that I felt sexy and confident enough to flirt with someone, let alone have sex.

Listen to this episode of Sealed Section, Mamamia's sex podcast. Post continues after podcast. 

Finally, there are coping mechanisms which play a huge impact on our libido. 

We weren’t taught how to cope with COVID at school. If you grew up in the 90s you were barely taught to cope at all. So however you’re choosing to cope with this pandemic it's up to you but personally, I drink more than I used to. I’m not recommending you increase your alcohol consumption at all - especially as we know alcohol is a depressant and it too, can affect your sex drive. 

(Please reach out to LifeLine or your support network if you are struggling. You’re doing great by just being here but everyone needs help sometimes.)

In case you hadn’t picked up on it, I’m not having a lot of sex right now, which may actually be part of the problem. The less you have sex, the less you crave it.

But I am determined to get my sexiness back and kick-start my libido. But how? Here are some of ways I'm clawing it back:

01. I am loving and accepting my body. 

This is probably the hardest part, so I put it first. We have been in and out of lockdown for more than eighteen months now and our bodies have changed, I know mine has. It’s fatter, I have much more wobbly bits to hold on to but that’s okay. Pretty much everyone is in the same boat so I’m going to try not to punish my body for the things that we can’t control. 

02. Flirt. 

I used to love a good flirt, but as I’ve barely been out of the house in the past eighteen months, let alone met a new person, I am out of practice. So be prepared, if I work with you or you are my friend, you may find yourself on the receiving end of flirtatious Lacey. Flirt back, I need the confidence boost.

03. I am doing an at home boudoir photoshoot. 

This is step one on steroids. Putting on your nice lingerie and makeup and standing in front of that camera will be so daunting for some people but it is an amazing way to reconnect with yourself and remind your own mind (as well as anyone you may choose to send those photos to) that you are a desirable and sexual being. It’s also great for learning to accept your body and the way it looks. 

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04. Quality ‘me time’. 

I am going to spend some time on myself. I recently bought some massage oil from LBDO and some beautiful scented candles. So I am treating myself the way I deserve to be treated. If you have a partner or are in a 'situationship', then I dare you to walk out of the bedroom naked, hand the massage oil to your partner and then walk away. Watch how fast they chase you. 

05. I am watching/reading/listening to ethically produced erotic material.

Mainstream porn is trash, and the majority of it is unethically produced and it’s definitely made for the cis male gaze. However, there are so many other platforms with similar content that you can visit knowing that the people who produce it are safe and paid properly. There’s also something for everyone - and I mean, everyone. Here are my top choices for ethically produced erotic content:

  • OMGYES. This will teach you how to masturbate. It’s based on a research study that surveyed 20,000 people with vaginas and they have great resources to help you feel more 'normal' as well as 'how to guides' and more. Check it out.
  • XConfessions is porn made for the female gaze. It’s ethically produced and female run. There’s also a lot of diversity and inclusivity in the content so I’m a fan.
  • Quinn is audio erotica for those who prefer to listen rather than watch. There’s also a written section and you can read a little erotic fiction or submit your own erotic literature if you get that jolt of inspiration.

So, eighteen months in and this is how I am spending my weekends because I refuse to let this pandemic affect my life anymore than it already has. I choose to think of my sex drive as hibernating rather than dead and she will wake up in the summer just you watch. 

Note: not everyone has a sex drive, and that’s perfectly ok too. 

Feature Image: @laceyjadechristie Instagram.

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