This article was originally published on Role Reboot, you can read it here.
At the grocery store on Sunday, my heaping cart included enough food to last the four of us for a week as well as enough stuff to help feed my daughter’s swimming and diving team on Friday. Two women in their 40’s were in the checkout lane in front of me. They had shared a cart, and I thought, how nice it would be to shop with a friend or sister to make this huge, weekly chore seem easier.
As one of the women put a tower of Lean Cuisines on the belt I heard her say to the other woman, “You didn’t hear that she’s getting a divorce? He cheated. Which is horrible. But I do have to say, she really let herself go.” I looked down at myself. I stood in the grocery store wearing black yoga pants, a T-shirt, and a fleece pullover.
I hadn’t showered. My medium-length brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail. I wore no makeup. I am susceptible to bouts of depression and I gain and lose huge amounts of weight with those mood cycles and right now I am very heavy. I stood there, a poster child for a wife and mother who had “let herself go.”
Thus far, on this Sunday, one of my “days off,” I had made my family pancakes and eggs for breakfast, and then wrote and edited for three and a half hours. I had scooped the cat’s litter box, fed the pets, updated the Google calendar with various practices, tournaments and concerts, helped arrange a carpool for an evening I had to work, taken my son (and picked him up) from his music lesson and dropped him back at home and then headed to the grocery store.
Top Comments
Im a single mum with a 4 month old and I make time for myself everyday to put on makeup and do my hair. It may only take me 10 minutes but it makes me feel more confident and ready to face the day. I dont do it because society tells me I need to, I do it because I like to feel good about myself and that, in turn, helps me be a happier mum throughout the day. If you wanna let yourself go, good on you, but don't hate on a society known to be incredibly judgmental just to make you feel better about not giving a fuck what you look like.
I let myself go. I admit it. Due to 3rd teenager getting into drugs stress & job stress, my husband said he couldn't handle it and left, initiating a divorce. More stress. I still had the same bills, son, job but was now doing it all alone. I was 56.
I had always been very slender and lost 45 -50 lbs. quickly & easily after each baby. I breastfed, I hiked, rode my bike, swam -mostly with the kiddos. When I was 48, menopause hit full blast and my thyroid died. My Metabolism was no longer high and I began packing on the weight. Grandchildren arrived along with Arthritis. I still rode my bike & swam, changed my diet to Vegan and still gained weight. It was really easy to attract boyfriends still after the divorce (my 3rd), then men began commenting on my tummy or my neck and I stopped dating. I also had to retire - the job stress was killing me and I got high blood pressure. Now I take exercise classes at the local college or am on the computer most of the time.
I think I finally realized I was sick of meeting everyone else's expectations about how I looked or how much I weigh. My BP is low, Cholesterol is low, diet is Vegan, I'm intelligent with a college degree. I do a little yoga & have good posture, I take care of my teeth, hair, nails & personal hygiene. I have very little cellulite due to my diet. but I am flabby & have rolls on my back. I can still turn heads of men in their 70's- lol. I can hold my stomach in when I think about it. But mostly I just don't care! I was in such great shape and was still rejected, I gained weight thru no fault of my own & was rejected!
If I ever find love again, it will be for ME - my spirit & soul, not for my body. Or I'd rather be single. period.
The photo is of me last June with my new DIL. I'm 5'6" and weigh 189lbs. I'm 61.
The one of me by myself in 2010 I weighed 167, had a boyfriend who always complained about my weight & dumped me...go figure, right?
The third one is me last year. My granddaughter put pink streaks in my hair for my 60th.
It doesn't look like you've let yourself go in any of these photos. All I see is a strong beautiful confident woman. Maybe you're attracted to the wrong men!
Thanks! That is my point... exactly! And these days, I'm not attracted to ANY men!