couples

Will this letter stop my husband from cheating?

This week a survey revealed that 82 per cent of men who cheat do so in the first years after their children are born. That statistic drove one exhausted and vulnerable mum to write this letter….

Dear Husband,

"I wish that instead of drifting away from me you hovered more."

I love you more now than ever before, but I don't tell you as often. I can feel us drifting apart and I don't know how to fix it. I don't even know if it can be fixed right now. I sometimes feel like our child takes all my love and energy and I don't have much left for you.

I wish that instead of drifting away from me, you hovered more. I wish that you would touch me in passing, just to let me know you're there.

I felt safe to shower our baby with my attention - I feel (or at least, felt) safe and secure in our love?

And I still have faith in you that we will get through this.

I know you'll be waiting for me when I come out of the baby fog. I know that the man I fell in love with, the one who used to stroke my hair for hours and drive 40 minutes to pick up my favourite Pad Thai dish, will  be there waiting for me at the end of this all-consuming mummy tunnel I am in.

Our baby has been difficult. She's not a good feeder and she's not a good sleeper. I'm shocked by the demands of motherhood and your long works hours don't help. I know we both thought it would be different and better. I know we thought becoming parents would bring us together but it hasn't.

I want you to stop sleeping on the lounge. You started doing it because our little girl was making a fuss one night, then two, then every night, but I feel lonely and I know you do to. Stay with me, with us. We are nothing without you. We need you around.

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"I know I don't look how I used to."

I know I don't look the way I used to. I feel secure enough around you to do that, to look frazzled and unkempt. It's only temporary. I'll be back, I swear. I love you more when you look worse-for-wear. I want you to love me like that too.

We are in the eye of the storm but we are in it together. I know it doesn't feel like we are very together at the moment but we are. Our love created a life.

You are my man and we are your girls. Feel sad and alone, feel tired and frustrated, but feel all those things with me, because I am feeling them too.

Press pause on what you thought we would be. It won't happen now but I know that we can get through it.

So instead of letting your mind wander, instead of being distracted by others and lamenting our current state, think about the future. When the baby sleeps and I can do my hair and hire a baby sitter. How fabulous will it feel to get out of the house, to look back at the last few months and know we have gotten through it together.

How amazing it will be. How close we will feel. How proud of each other we will be. How the feelings of love will truly brim. It will be wonderful.

Nothing has gone away. The love is still there. Our family has been created. It's just a small pause, just a small one.

We will be back, I know it.

How did you and your partner cope with those first few months of parenthood? How did you keep the physical and emotional intimacy going?