By MIA FREEDMAN
In Australia right now, it’s Octsober. I think. Sounds like the one where you give up drinking for a month. Wait, isn’t that Feb-fast? Or Dry-July? Soon we will all be paid not to drink all year round. Please God, do not take December from us because that would be too cruel. Christmas parties? Sober? Bitch please.
I do believe it all started with Movember, the month where men are encouraged to grow a moustache to raise funds and awareness for prostate chancer charities which has since grown to include other men’s health charities. Last Movember, 850,000 men worldwide grew moustaches and millions of dollars were raised. Movember started in Australia. We should be proud.
The list of months-with-corresponding-actions has since become epic and includes the following:
JULY: Dry july
NOVEMBER: MovemberIn Britain, they also have Movember but some of their other months are different. Right now, while Australia does Octsober, the Brits are celebrating (that word seem wrong but I’m not sure which other one to use….observing?) Stoptober. This month was named by their health department as a way to encourage smokers to give up the fags for a month to see if it might stick.
As Times columnist Caitlin Moran wrote this week:
I personally like this renaming of all the months, accompanied by a sympathetic action.
In Stoptober we all stop smoking, then on November 1 we all start growing moustaches…
For, with ten months as yet un-renamed, it seems like there’s still everything to play for in this nascent game of “claim a month for a thing”. I’d like to suggest a few more “month concepts” to whoever it is who decides these things.
Moran goes on to list some of the extra monthly events she thinks we should be celebrating:
“Plebruary.” In which the achievements of the working classes are celebrated for 28 days straight – 29 in each leap year. Those taking part in Plebruary wear T-shirts depicting their favourite plebs – Joe Orton; Nye Bevan; Kathy Burke; John Lydon; J.K. Rowling; Morecambe and Wise; Richard Burton; Mo Farah; Vivienne Westwood; Amy Winehouse; the Bee Gees; the Smiths; Pat Phoenix; Charles Dickens; Shirley Bassey; the Beatles; Noddy Holder screaming, “IT’S CHRISTMAS!!!” – and commit themselves to tweeting, “And without the unions Britain will go back to this suffocating feudal inbreeding,” during Downton Abbey.
That sounds quite genius. But I like Moran’s next proposal even better. “Flawgust”. It goes like this:
For a month, there’s no photoshopping or airbrushing and celebrities compete to reveal the most impressive crop of chin acne. A series of high-profile make-unders kicks in to make people look much, much rougher, yet more relaxed.
I’m up for Flawgust and I’m quite inspired to try and re-name some other months with associated actions. Care to help?