At the age of 31, after battling years of acute and intense pain, Lena Dunham made the decision to get a full hysterectomy.
In a piece for this month’s Vogue, she outlines how she got to a point where removing her uterus was a viable and necessary option to ease the endometriosis symptoms that were consuming her life.
“In August [last year], the pain becomes unbearable,” Dunham writes. “I am delirious with it, and the doctors can’t really explain. The ultrasound shows no cysts, no free fluid, and certainly no baby. But that doesn’t help the fact that it hurts so bad that the human voices around me have become a sort of nonsense Teletubbies singsong. With pain like this, I will never be able to be anyone’s mother. Even if I could get pregnant, there’s nothing I can offer.”
By November, she asked her doctor if her uterus can and will come out.
“She says, ‘Let’s wait and see.’
“Two days later (which has always been my definition of “wait and see”; I am not a patient girl) I check myself into the hospital and announce I am not leaving until they stop this pain or take my uterus. No, really, take her.”
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Though Dunham admits the choice wasn’t easy, it wasn’t one she has since regretted or doubted. Of course, navigating the notion you no longer have your uterus is complex, but Dunham notes it will not stop her wanting children one day.
“I am already mourning, but I am not in doubt.
“I may have felt choiceless before, but I know I have choices now. Soon I’ll start exploring whether my ovaries, which remain someplace inside me in that vast cavern of organs and scar tissue, have eggs.”
While Dunham’s decision to have her uterus removed was deeply personal, in making it public, she’s ignited a conversation about endometriosis, fertility, pain, hysterectomies and the intersection between all four.