By BEC SPARROW
I need to pour myself a large wine just to write this post.
Okay. So. Last week I found out my four-year-old daughter Ava gave a close friend’s eight-year-old daughter the sex talk.
Holy mother of pearl.
Now before we all lose our minds, I will say it wasn’t the full blown ‘and the man’s penis goes into …’ sex talk. Nope, it was more the babies-come-out-your-vagina type of talk. Well more a statement really. Ever since I was pregnant with Quincy and explained to Ava how I’d be having a caesarean she’s been most alarmed.
“What do you mean someone has to cut open your tummy? I don’t want anyone cutting open my tummy EVER!”
She looked at me waiting for a response.
So I did what any mother would do in this situation. I said, “Fine. Now here’s a cheese stick. Go eat that in the playroom while mummy watches Ellen…”
I’m joking, of course. (Maybe). I casually explained to her the other way babies can be born. And let’s all say this together shall we? THROUGH YOUR VAGINA.
And then I gave her a cheese stick and sent her away.
Ava meanwhile thought this whole vagina caper was both fantastic and completely ridiculous (initially her eyes narrowed in case she was being punked). But once she accepted the notion that a baby can indeed slide out your va-jayjay (I may have made it sound like a Bouncy Castle slide) she’s let it be known to me repeatedly that when the time comes for her to have babies, she’d be having them out her vagina.
And I think this is fabulous. Frankly, you’re never too young to have a birth plan, I say. I half expected her to walk away and start compiling a list of Justine Clarke songs she wanted playing in the birth suite during her contractions. Nobody mention candles and incense.
Anyhoo… fast forward to last week and my dear friend Vanessa tells me that apparently Ava has started announcing her birth plan to the unsuspecting public. Including my friend’s eight-year-old daughter who apparently up until Ava’s “vagina intervention” had no clue how babies came out of your body.
My friend was fine about this rather shocking revelation from my pre-schooler and not at all upset. Me? I was a little rattled.