Ladies, we need to talk.
We need to have a chat about an alarming problem most of you will be familiar with. I’m talking about our LADY WHISKERS.
You know the ones – those wiry hairs that sprout on our chinny-chin-chins?
The intensity and speed with which these things grow are now starting to officially scare me. I almost need to keep a pair of tweezers on my person at all times just in case a rogue one spontaneously erupts while I’m on the bus.
And the thing is, the more women I speak to, the more I discover we are all suffering in silence, not wanting to address the elephant on our, erm, top lip. Or neck. Or chin.
It’s time we had a frank and open discussion. Why do we get those long, thick, coarse (often black – eek!) hairs root themselves so inexplicably deeply into our skin.
More of a mystery, why do they grow back so freakishly fast?
Firstly, let's start with the WHY.
It comes down to one thing: hormones. As if hot flushes and a weak bladder aren't punishment enough ... our hormones take one last shot at making our lives a living hell by helping us grow a lady beard.
To be a little more scientific: both men and women have male and female hormones, but in different proportions. All women produce small amounts of male hormones called androgens. With age, the proportion changes: welcome whiskers! At the same time, as women grow older, oestrogen levels in their body decrease so there is less to counter the effect of the androgens.
The saddest irony in all of this is that as hairs start to grow with abandon on our chins and upper lip, they start to diminish on the top of our heads.
"But I've had a big black chin hair since I was in my early 20s!" I hear you cry. Well apart from that just being really shitty luck, it's also possible and quite common for younger ladies to experience facial hair growth, once again, due to hormones. Often it's due to pregnancy, irregular periods and sometimes even the Pill. It's a cruel, cruel world.
The real mystery though is this: Why in the heck do they grow back so quickly? I swear to god, I tweeze my face free of all hairs before I go to sleep at night, only to wake and discover that, like an insidious weed, they have all reappeared.
So what can you do about them then? Even though most of just tweezer the suckers out, there are a lot of other (often more extreme) but more permanent options available.