Surely you didn’t think this was it, did you?
We had Married at First Sight and you lapped it up. We had Seven Year Switch and you pretended you didn’t turn your television on to watch it. And we have had The Bachelor and The Bachelorette that played to our strange, strange addiction to watching one person date about 15 others at once.
And now, my friends, we have another one. Another reality TV show that centres on a bizarre premise that perhaps we can pick a life partner from a blindfolded kiss followed by a non-blindfolded one-night stand.
Well, maybe it doesn’t expect that much. But it does see Channel 7 staying firm on the dating show bandwagon, hiding behind the premise of science and social experiments to give the audience a lot of on screen action and not a whole lot of talking.
Watch a promo for the show. Post continues after video…
From the creators of Married at First Sight comes Kiss Bang Love. The show that will match 10 single Australians with 15 potential suitors, with each episode showing one blindfolded contestant kissing 15 potential suitors. Because, you know, twist and drama and reality TV, most of the suitors with be strangers. But some will even be former lovers.
The top five suitors will get a second kiss, without the blindfold. From there, two people will be selected to spend a night in a luxury hotel with the contestant. And after the one-night stands? The contestant then has to choose a final suitor to take on a romantic holiday.
And if you though the title was just a little bit crude, get your head out of the gutter. Because Brad Lyons, Seven’s director of network production assured journalists when unveiling Seven’s plans for 2016 that the second word in the show’s title does not refer to what the couples do on their hotel stays or “romantic” holidays. Instead, it describes the “champagne corks popping” feeling they get when falling in love.
Because of course. No-one will have sex during an overnight hotel stay.
In many ways, Kiss Bang Love will work in direct opposition to The Bachelor: a show that likes to pretend sex doesn't exist and that awkward small talk in front of camera is instead paving the foundations of solid relationships.
It will put its proverbial middle finger to awkward dates and cringey conversations, giving you all the sex and none of the talk. But hey, it's science, they say. Don't go and be a cynic about it all. Apparently the average person kisses 15 people and has two one night stands before falling in love.
I'm sure both you and I can confidently put our money on whether genuine relationships will be formed or not (ahem, probably not), but we can be certain about one thing: None of us can complain about the state of reality television at the moment. We're the ones watching it, and we're the ones its being catered to.
We're the real suckers here. (Or maybe just winners?)