An amphitheatre, an editing fail and horrible chairs: A recap of Kim Kardashian's office tour. 

Hurry up please because this is urgent.

It's Kim. She has a new office for her skincare line, SKKN BY KIM (not to be confused with Skims, also by Kim, which is a completely different brand, obviously), and we all need to shut the hell up because she's going to give us a tour. 

I'm so sorry. Image: YouTube. 

We open with Kim arriving in a car so expensive I don't recognise the brand. 

Her car, her hair, her sunglasses, her skin, her makeup and her clothing all match the neutral aesthetic of the office and THANK GOD it's empty because any other human would ruin the vibe.

As she begins to show us around, it becomes clear that there's been a horrible misunderstanding. This is not an office. This is an art gallery. With sculptures and installations and furniture that exists purely for decorative purposes.

Complete with an artist's rendition of a beautiful woman. Wait no, that's just Kim Kardashian. Image: YouTube. 

It needs... cushions. At least. Image: YouTube. 

It's strange because where does the work happen. 

But moving on. Because Kim's favourite space is the amphitheatre.

She explains the vital business function of the room (there isn't one) while the cinema-sized screen in the background flashes images of her advertising SKKN BY KIM. 

'So convenient.' Image: YouTube. 

She decided to include the amphitheatre because the office space was just so big, and because she wanted a cozy area for her kids to come and watch a movie. 

I'd just like it on the record that when I went to work with my mum I was forced to sit at the back of her classroom while she continued teaching. There was a severe lack of amphitheatre. 

Kim also mentions that she comes here when she wants to chill and watch TV and I don't mean to be rude but lady you're the boss of two businesses and the star of a major reality show you don't have time to be watching the television.

In fact, may I. Image: YouTube. 

We move into the kitchen area, which Kim loves because it's open and she can talk to everyone and 'hang out'. She describes it as the most used room in the office.

The room is empty. 

She explains she's "really gotten into furniture lately," which is something only rich people say, and points out the designer tables and chairs. 

To me it looks like simple wooden furniture, and if I had to have an opinion (I don't), I'd say the chairs seem uncomfortable. 

'I'm not saying you can't sit there. I'm just saying everything looks better when you don't.' Image: YouTube. 

Walking towards the kitchen, Kim tells the camera, "I'm sure you guys always want to know what's in our fridges..." and then proceeds to explicitly not tell us what's in the fridges. 

"The fridges in the office," she says, "[are] full of drinks," and yes thanks I got that. But WHICH ONES? I can spot A2 milk but that's it??? Are we talking juice? Soft drink? Chocolate milk? WHY DON'T I KNOW? ISN'T THAT THE POINT OF THIS WHOLE TOUR?

Clearly there are state secrets stored in the fridge so we move on to a coffee table area, decorated with books and what can only be described as 'random trinkets'. 

Are you able to claim these as business expenses? And if so how do you categorise them? Image: YouTube. 

Kim takes as through to the 'model glam room' where models will get ready for any shoots for SKKN BY KIM or Skims. The room connects straight to a photo studio, which must be very convenient to have on-site, but pause. 

I hate this sculpture. 

Hide it. Image: YouTube. 

Leave. Image: YouTube. 

It looks like it's made from the icing of a cake but with no cake inside and it's upsetting. 

Luckily, Kim quickly moves on to her very own glam room (because she couldn't possibly share with the models... ew), where sometimes she'll cozy up on her couch and watch TV.

This is now the second time in four minutes she's mentioned watching TV at work, and I'm tempted to tell Kris.

But that's not the biggest issue here. Because what are these chairs:

I feel like these aren't meant for... sitting. Image: YouTube. 

Speaking of chairs, Kim shows us her shower, which is bigger and nicer than any shower I have used in my lifetime. Inside the shower, however, she has a single chair. Where sometimes her staff speak to her. While she showers. 

You see, sometimes she'll do a photoshoot with paint on her, and she needs to wash it off. But she also has conversations to have/deals to make/brands to create. So... that's what the chair is for. 

'Sorry, is my vagina distracting you from the agenda?' Image: YouTube. 

It's time to see the SKKN BY KIM showroom, which I had initially mistaken for a room full of small, stone sculptures. 

Mostly because that's exactly what it looks like. 

I just need you to know that her oil drops retail for $95USD. I need you to know that. 

But dw because if you want the complete collection, there's a discount, and yeah it only costs $575. 

I know sweetie it must be overwhelming sometimes. Image: YouTube. 

Taking us through the foyer, we meet the woman who appears to be the only person who's turned up to work today: Mandy. 

Guys. Why does she perfectly match the colours of the office.

Haha I'm not joking. Image: YouTube. 

I believe in my soul that Kim Kardashian provides a wardrobe colour palette to her staff but also encourages them to work from home in order to maintain the minimalist vibe of the office.

We visit one of the meeting rooms, and Kim is very excited because when you walk in, the lights automatically turn on. 

Now, I have a gripe. 

Is this a technological feat? Yes, of course. But Kim, you're a billionaire. You have a private jet. I'm convinced you may be part-robot. The automatic lights are simply not impressive enough to warrant a mention. 

It's just not blowing my mind. Image: YouTube. 

She then explains that we're now done with "the whole first level" and what. I didn't know this was a multi-level experience. I simply wasn't prepared.

She takes us up a set of stairs which resemble a fire escape, and I don't want to be rude but Kim surely you have a lift. 

Upstairs, we're shown the first of two photo walls – covered entirely in Kim Kardashian magazine covers. 

Kim pls they're all you. Image: YouTube. 

Off the 'conference area' (designed to face the literal wall of Kim images), we're taken to Kim's office, and I have several observations: 

- She has a model plane on her desk which I did not expect. It's very 10-year-old boy.

- She has a truly awful chair.

It looks like it belongs in a prison. Image: YouTube.

- She has a bookcase, and when I zoomed in, one of the books is: Design For Children. I'm not kidding. 

Vibe. Image: YouTube.

I love this woman. 

She shows us a (beige) box Kendall bought her for Christmas, full of cards with inspirational quotes She pulls two out at random, and the second is a quote from Thomas Edison: 'I have not failed,' she reads. 'I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.' 

Kim says she feels like that really applies to the work she's doing here with the packaging for SKKN BY KIM and somehow I don't think that's what Edison was envisioning. When he... wrote that. 

We're shown a second kitchen, which feels unnecessary, and Kim repeats several times how clean and calm the office is. 

I see juice. And what I can only assume is milk. Image: YouTube. 

That might be... and hear me out Kim... because there's no one here. Except Mandy. And she hasn't made a peep. 

She explains that they have 'summer Fridays' so everyone's working from home, and I would put money on the fact that 'summer Fridays' is just an excuse to ban people from the office so they don't ruin the vibe. With their... mess. And bright colours. 

On the way out, we get a shot over the photo studio, which you can see clearly from upstairs. But there's an editing fail and I love an editing fail because I KNEW this was not just a candid walk through of Kim's office.

This is the image we see from above:

Notice there's no car. Where Kim parked it. Earlier. Image: YouTube. 

Note that the space in front of the black and white roller door is empty. 

And this is the image we see once Kim has walked down the stairs: 

When your car manifests itself in a number of seconds. Image: YouTube.

Now her car has magically appeared, and this is when you know you've watched Kim Kardashian's office tour a little too closely. 

She's apparently finished work for the day (??) so tries to leave, but has forgotten how to unlock her car. Probably because she has 17. And employs someone as her car-unlocker. 

Eventually she works it out, and reverses out of the SKKN BY KIM office, leaving behind one employee and a hideous yellow sculpture that I simply cannot forget.

Sorry one more word on that. It doesn't even fit the aesthetic? It needs to be removed immediately?

You're horrific. Image: YouTube. 

Kim pls. It's urgent. 

For more from Clare Stephens you can follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Image: YouTube + Mamamia.