By now you’ve probably heard that the Queen issued Kate Middleton with a style memo dictating that she should lower her hemlines and wear more tiaras for her upcoming visit to Australia.
According to Her Royal Highness, Kate’s fondness for wearing above the knee frocks from Zara and Topshop is letting the team down.
Excuse me your Majesty? Pardon me for saying this, and I mean this with the utmost respect I can muster for someone whose worn head-to-toe yellow on more than six occasions, but I think you should back off.
As one of the most watched women of our time, I think Kate is doing a damn fine job.
To me, it seems like she can’t win. If she wears a frock more than once, she’s seen as committing fashion recycling sin. If she wears big name designers she’s being frivolous. If she wears Zara or Topshop frocks, she’s letting the WHOLE ROYAL FAMILY DOWN.
Talk about pressure.
It’s true that no one rocked a dress coat in the Post-War era like you did (mostly because they couldn’t afford it). And it was rather savvy of you to save all those ration cards to pay for your 13-foot train wedding dress, but I think you need to cut the woman some slack.
After all, she single-handedly brought back nude pantyhose, which is no mean feat I think you’ll agree. You’ve been wearing them longer than Kate Middleton has been alive but it took a new breed of Royal to make the kids on the streets take note.
While you rocked some fabulous frocks in the 40s and 50s, – and as someone who regularly wears dhoti pants and too short for my age dresses, I feel comfortable in saying this – your style evolution ended roughly 60 years ago.
There’s no denying you’ve got the head-to-toe coloured dress, coat and hat look down pat. You’ve made it a solid style statement for over 50 years now. Possibly longer, it’s hard to tell since colour photography didn’t exist before then.
You’ve had your moments in the fashion spotlight, Dolce & Gabbana paying tribute to your signature outdoorsy Edie-Beale-Grey-Gardens look for one, so isn’t it time to step aside and let a more modern aesthetic reign?
Let me catch you up to speed, as the times-are-a-changin’, it’s now perfectly acceptable to wear skirts above the knee. Shocking I know.
Look, I get where you’re coming from, I really do. Just like any good matriarch you want to look out for the younger, perhaps more vulnerable chicks in your nest. And protect them from all the creepoids on the internet just waiting for another glimpse of the Duchess’s lower thigh the next time a sudden gust of wind whips up.
But Lizzie (I can call you that right?) I have two words for you: Marilyn Monroe. I’m not saying Kate should stand over a grate while she’s here in Australia but that is one of the most iconic moments in fashion history. And you’re denying Kate of her own Marilyn-esque moment.