By EM RUSCIANO
Having relationship difficulties? Marriage not everything you thought it would be?
Have a seat my friend, the doctor is in. And by doctor I mean Joan Collins.
Yes, Joan has walked down the aisle a lazy five times but this only means that lady is well practised and therefore obviously qualified to give advice to others.
Joan Collins was recently interviewed by the London Times and she was dropping mad truth bombs on the institute of marriage. You’re welcome struggling married couples of the universe.
Since my husband and I are sleeping in separate beds, in separate rooms in separate houses – I felt compelled to read what insights Joan had on what made a successful and fulfilling marriage.
Joan recently celebrated 11 years with husband numero cinco, Percy Gibson. Percy is an impressive 33 years younger than Joan, he is 47 and as I am a human genius, I have deduced that makes J-Coll 80.
According to Joan you shouldn’t even be in the bathroom at the same time.
If your marriage has any hope of surviving, an extra bathroom must be added. Your husband should think you are a perfect princess with bowel movements that smell of roses and lavender. Basically you need to be an animated version of Sandy in the opening credits of Grease. If you don’t get that reference then I’m terribly sorry, we can’t be friends.
What else does Joan the marriage oracle Collins have to say? I am so glad you asked!
Joan says to never interfere with each others’ social calendars aka spend as little time together as possible. You betcha JC, the quickest way to dislike someone is to really get to know them. What is more romantic that not being with someone?
This totally makes all the sense to me. I am so over being in a relationship and having to actually BE with that person. “Whah whah, love me, listen to me, tend to my emotional and physical needs.” What a dickhead. If a successful marriage is what you want, make like Joan Collins and be alone. Wait. What?