Aussie supermodel Jessica Gomes is a modern-day sexy bikini hero.
She was in the middle of helping men’s magazine Sports Illustrated celebrate their 50th Photographing Hot Babes anniversary with a stunning shoot when something truly awful happened.
We’ve pieced together the sequence of horrific events with the photographic evidence available. This appears to be what almost definitely nearly probably possibly maybe happened.
The sun was setting a successful, bosomy bikini shoot…
Jessica had spent the day perfecting the art of the casual over-the-shoulder, look-at-my-bottom pose…
When a disturbance in the water nearby caused the crew to panic. A terrifying sea monster was spotted thrashing around in the waves, threatening to attack.
So Jessica, hero of the ocean, slipped into some sexy scuba gear to investigate…
As she jumped into the ocean an 8-foot swordfish reared its ugly head.
In a savage but sexually charged ocean battle, fish and supermodel fought in the waves. It was Model Vs. Wild, and in the process the beast tragically claimed Jessica’s clothes.
Minutes later, the model emerged from the ocean, VICTORIOUS.
She laid the fish carcass around her neck and stared off into the distance, peaceful and triumphant. And most of all, sexy…
Well done, Jessica. Well done.
Pharrell Williams: Feminist Warrior. Obviously.
American rap artist Pharrell Williams has said some monumentally stupid, unintentionally hilarious things about sexism.