Fluff: Aussie supermodel poses on a beach with an enormous fish. That is all.

Jessica Gomes bikini

Aussie supermodel Jessica Gomes is a modern-day sexy bikini hero.

She was in the middle of helping men’s magazine Sports Illustrated celebrate their 50th Photographing Hot Babes anniversary with a stunning shoot when something truly awful happened.

We’ve pieced together the sequence of horrific events with the photographic evidence available. This appears to be what almost definitely nearly probably possibly maybe happened.

The sun was setting a successful, bosomy bikini shoot… 

Jessica Gomes bikini

Jessica had spent the day perfecting the art of the casual over-the-shoulder, look-at-my-bottom pose…

Jessica Gomes bikini

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When a disturbance in the water nearby caused the crew to panic. A terrifying sea monster was spotted thrashing around in the waves, threatening to attack.

So Jessica, hero of the ocean, slipped into some sexy scuba gear to investigate…

Jessica Gomes bikini

As she jumped into the ocean an 8-foot swordfish reared its ugly head.

In a savage but sexually charged ocean battle, fish and supermodel fought in the waves. It was Model Vs. Wild, and in the process the beast tragically claimed Jessica’s clothes. 

Minutes later, the model emerged from the ocean, VICTORIOUS.

She laid the fish carcass around her neck and stared off into the distance, peaceful and triumphant. And most of all, sexy…

Jessica Gomes bikini

Well done, Jessica. Well done.

Pharrell Williams: Feminist Warrior. Obviously.

Jessica Gomes bikini

American rap artist Pharrell Williams has said some monumentally stupid, unintentionally hilarious things about sexism.

Pharrell Williams featured in notorious rape anthem Blurred Lines with Robin Thicke, excellent disco tune Lucky with Daft Punk, and delightful song Happy all by himself.

He’s also really into wearing enormous hats to awards ceremonies.

The 40-year-old music industry God spent 20 years producing music for other artists, and finally found his sexy music niche in the past year or so.

Today, Pharrell gave the world a magnificent gift: a mini-manifesto on feminism, equality, and booty. It’s pretty amazing.

Here are some highlights from his Time Out London’s Alexi Duggins. Enjoy.

 

Robin Thicke got into a spot of bother with the lyrics and video to ‘Blurred Lines’. How come you didn’t?
‘I didn’t get away with it! There were lots of women who wanted to understand what we meant by those lyrics. But the two lines go: “You don’t need no papers/That man is not your maker.” Boom! Lyrically, you’re done: there’s nothing else to talk about. “That man is not your maker.” Plus that treatment was written and shot by a female director, who’s a feminist.’

So, sexy videos aren’t sexist?
‘Is it sexist when you walk around in a museum and a lot of the statues have their boobs out? The women in that video weren’t doing anything sexual: they were only dancing. Just because they had their boobs out, that was “sexist”. I didn’t do anything sexually suggestive to any of those women, I wouldn’t allow it. I have respect and I know the message that I want to put out. I’m a fun guy.’

Is your new album also about having fun?
‘Yes! When we were working on it, I kept asking, “Does this feel celebratory and festive?” My muse for it was women. I love them.’

What, all of them?
‘Look, I love them, because I know their importance. If women wanted to shut down this country, economically, they could just not go to work and the UK would be finished. If they wanted to kill off our species, they’d just decide not to have babies. And there’s going to be a huge shift, a huge shift. There will be a time when women get paid as much as men. There will be a time when, like, 75 percent of our world leaders will be women. All the presidents and prime ministers. There will come a time. And I’m going to be on the right side of that shift when it happens.’

Does that mean your videos will all be PG-rated from now on?
‘Oh no. I want to support women, but that doesn’t mean I won’t make another song where girls’ behinds are everywhere.’

Kardashian Kids’ Kollection is here and it’s not hideous.

The Kardashian sisters have been threatening to design children’s clothes for ages. The Kids’ Kollection is finally here, and we really don’t hate it.

They’re actually Kute. With a Kapital K. Have a Klook:

Kardashian Kids

Kardashian Kids

Kardashian Kids Kardashian Kids

Rebel Wilson + Ellen Degeneres = Rebellen

Rebel Wilson and Ellen DeGeneres are united by one thing: the power of rap music. The Aussie Pitch Perfect actress joined comedy forces with the TV talk show host to create the ultimate hip-hop duo.

World, meet REBELLEN.

Here’s the hilarious video of their very first hit.

Beyonce performs as a human mirror ball

Beyonce Carter Knowles steals all the limelight from other commoner celebrities with this floor-length sequin number.

She’s on stage at the Brit Awards performing her single XO for the first time.

Jessica Gomes bikini

And here she is, in action…

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