As soon as I opened the magazine a few weeks ago, I knew it would end in tears. The headline was “The Big Easy” and it was a story about one woman’s breezy experience of motherhood. During the few minutes it took to read, I nodded, I winced and I could hear the sound of incoming artillery so loud I almost had to duck.
The premise of journalist Jacinta Tynan’s explosive piece was her exasperation that so many women downplay the good bits about motherhood. I understand this idea and sometimes I’m guilty of it myself. For example, I had terrific, straightforward births with two of my kids but I always feel the need to speak louder about the birth that was difficult.
I also had two problem-free breastfeeding experiences but I always rush to detail the nightmare of getting mastitis seven times in eight months with my third. The subtext being: See! I’ve suffered! I’m not smug!
I know Jacinta a little bit and so the next day, I organised to interview her for Mamamia. With my video camera in my bag, I high-tailed it to Foxtel studios where she was on day shift as a presenter for Sky News.
Approaching her in the tentative way one might approach an unexploded bomb, I quickly understood she had no idea what she’d unleashed. The vitriol of a thousand angry women had not yet reached her. Soon it would.
We talked. I gave her the chance to correct some misconceptions. Like the fact she was rich (no), had a full-time nanny (no) or a perfect baby (no). I re-published her original article, along with the interview and then I stood back. The comments began within seconds and in a few days there were more than 1100.
Top Comments
Who gave any of us the right to criticise another's opinion in the first place?
Why have we become people who cannot tolerate different perspectives?
What ever happened to the notion of RESPECTING another's experience/opinion and thinking before we all criticise?
Have we all become subservient to close-minded self-righteousness instead of tolerance?
I read this article originally, and the criticisms of other mothers pushed my buttons then. I feel happy that Jacinta is experiencing a love affair with her baby and that she is treasuring every moment with him - even the difficult ones. Unfortunately I was not lucky enough to feel such an overwhelming emotion from the birth. I can only assume this is an innate flaw in me that I could not access the swell of maternal joy that Jacinta appears to have experienced. Sitting here with 3 weeks to go on my second baby, and just having found out that it is "highly unlikely" that my first will get into the pre-schools I wait-listed him on in-utero, I cannot help but hope that Jacinta continues to feel the way she does as her angel progresses through life. In many senses I agree with her - a healthy baby is easy.... when you compare it with the boundary pushing, independence seeking, capricious wilfulness of the toddler (and, I am told, the teenager). I do not agree however that motherhood is easy. Jacinta is lucky that she appears to be devoid of the self doubt that often seems to come with motherhood - where every day brings a hundred parenting choices and every decision we make is vulnerable to casual criticism or worry about our impact on the child. For this reason alone I would not dream of announcing to the world of mothers that mothering is easy. It seems to me that such a statement is little more than a boast that the speaker feels that she is doing a fabulous job of mothering - which is great, don't get me wrong. Those struggling to do their best in the face of a miriad of different circumstances and emotions however should be forgiven for frothing a bit when confronted by such a Miranda Devine-like opinion piece. I haven't seen mentioned in any of the blogs so far is that Jacinta is clearly privileged. She is beautiful, successful, articulate and I assume educated. These qualities have allowed her to experience motherhood in a way denied to many other Australian mothers. But above all her apparent ability to not feel negative emotions or self doubt deeply to me seems the ultimate privilege. I wish her all the happiness in the world and I hope that she has not been hurt by the comments arising from her article. I also hope that she has learnt something from the experience.